Former Muslim testifies @ IHOP - Amazing!

Trailer of a documentary of the ministry I'll be working with in Sudan - beautiful!

The white lady is Michele Perry, the director of Iris-Sudan

Irina's Top 10 Reading List

(in no particular order)

1. "The Hidden Power of Prayer and Fasting" by Mahesh Chavda; this book opened my eyes to the power of fasting and spurred me on into this part of the Christian walk

2. "Visions Beyond the Veil" - by H.A. Baker; it will take you about 2 hours to read. the author was Rolland Baker's grandfather who operated an orphanage in China in the 1920s. these beggars and street kids, the "bad" ones of society, were profoundly visited by the Holy Spirit and experienced distinct and vivid vision of heaven, hell, angels, demons, sin, redemption, and the age to come. the impact was powerful transformation resulting in power evangelism, preaching of the gospel, and ministering in the power of the Holy Spirit on the streets. some of the children were as young as 5.

3. "Always Enough" - by Heidi and Rolland Baker; Rolland is H.A.'s grandson, and him and his wife continue in the spiritual heritage of his grandfather in Mozambique. coming to this nation in 1995, the Lord has released a mighty move of His Spirit through their ministry - 7,000 churches planted in Mozambique, 6,000 children adopted, and tens of mission bases planted in other nations. this book is about God's provision among the poorest children on earth. it wrecked me with the truth that God dwells among the lowly and brokenhearted.

4. "Rees Howells: Intercessor" - By Norman Grubb; a phenomenal biography about the power of intercession, and the reality that all God needs is one man/woman to say yes to Him to impact the earth for Him. reading it taught me that prayer is the most powerful tool we have and if we want to move mountains and be effective in expanding the Kingdom, we must become intercessors. this man's simple obedience to the Spirit in prayer not only ushered in salvations, but altered the course of entire nations in WWII.

5. "Seven Longings of the Human Heart" - by Mike Bickle; i must confess i have never read this one (those who know me well know i am infamous for recommending books i've never read, movies i'v never seen, and places i've never visited) but i hear it's good! it's about, well...7 longing of the human heart :)

6. "Listen to Me, Satan!" - Carlos Anacondia; one of the most amazing books on the deliverance ministry i've ever read. this guy led revivals in Argentina for years, an ordinary business man dramatically saved and anointed with power for deliverance, his ministry marked by his humility. his signature move was to get on stage and shout "Listen to Me Satan!!!" and people all over the stadium would begin manifesting demons, taken to deliverance tents where they received ministry for as long as 6-8 hours. some of the most incredible testimonies i've ever heard are found in this book, firsthand accounts from the mouths of those who were delivered.

7. "Extreme Devotion" - by various; a daily devotional from the Voice of the Martyrs (persecution.com), 365 accounts of martyrs and those who loved Jesus no matter what the cost throughout history. this book will wreck you with how worthy He is of everything and with the reality that when we truly count the cost and count all things a loss, we will find a joy and glory that surpasses anything we could experience otherwise. plus it will give you a burden to pray for the persecuted church.

8. "Tortured for Christ" - by Richard Wurmbrand; along the same lines, this man started the organization Voice of the Martyrs. he was in Roman communist prisons for 14 years for the gospel, his wife confined for 3 years. he experienced intense persecution, but tapped into a beautiful joy and presence of Jesus in that place of suffering.

9. "Humility" - by Andrew Murray; a classic, written in the 1800s, about humility as the path towards holiness. he offers profound insight into what humility is and is not, and about how it is the chief and foundational characteristic of who Jesus is pre-incarnation, as a man on earth, and now as God in heaven. i've felt tears well up in my eyes as i've been reading, feeling the reality of the beautiful humility of Jesus and His ministry, and it's created a deep longing in my heart for His humility, knowing that this is who He is, the meek and lowly One, and to be this is to be conformed to His likeness

10. "Peace Child" - by Don Richardson; a beautiful book about one man's zeal to reach an unreached, cannibalistic tribe of the Amazon rainforest who honored treachery and rewarded betrayal (in essence revering Judas as the hero in the story). it's remarkable how this man is able to preach to these people about Jesus. this book convinced me that God has placed the imprint of the Gospel story (God becoming a child and being offered by His Father as a sacrifice for sin) into every cultural group and tribe, no matter how wicked their culture and practices. the imprint of the Gospel is there, and missionaries must get to know the culture of those they minister to in order to find it and present the Gospel to them in the peoples' own context.

let me know if you read any of these :)

2 notes on Christ's humility

we all know Jesus was, and still is, the most humble One in all of history. there are many facets to and evidences of His humility, but i think the 2 most profound ones are seen in the circumstances of His birth and death. the uncreated One chose come not only as a man, but as a baby, born of flesh, and not just any baby, but the child of a poor family, born inside an animal stable. there was no available lodging in the town, a prophetic indication that even before He was born, He was already rejected by men (Isaiah 53) and homeless. they had no room for Him, no desire for Him.

His death was by crucifixion, reserved for the worst of criminals. He joyfully died as one of them. nothing stood out about Him. think of it this way...He's hanging on a cross with 2 others, people are passing by and pondering, "oh there's another one, i wonder what he did - murder, theft...", for a moment, and then forgetting, not even thinking for one second that this One could be innocent. i mean really, why would He be crucified, then? there's humility. but it goes one step deeper. not only did He die in this way, He was completely ok with being perceived this way by these passers-by, and by many from that time until today. He didn't care that this is what they thought, that He'd be just one of many criminals in their minds, easily forgotten, and He did not and does not seek to defend Himself.....humility

WHEN you fast...

in Matthew 6 in His sermon on the mount, Jesus talks about fasting in secret. His language of "when you fast" makes it clear that He's operating out of the assumption that we will fast, that we understand it's not an option. He does not say "if". the sermon on the mount is considered Christianity in a nutshell, the principles and practicals of what it means to follow Jesus. certainly they will take a lifetime to perfect, but nevertheless, this is the meat of Christianity. and if this is so, fasting should not be seen as something so radical. fasting is Christianity 101 and should be normal. in Mark 9, Jesus heals a boy of epilepsy by casting out a demon, and instructs His disciples when they are perplexed as to why they could not cast it out, "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting". in a book called "the power of prayer and fasting" by mahesh chavda (i highly recommend for all interested to learn about fasting, what it is and why it's so powerful), mahesh's journey into fasting begins when he works at a mental institution. one of the children he oversees is a 10-year old boy who has to be tied up in a straight jacket to prevent him from scratching and mutilating himself. clearly, a demon. Mahesh asks the Lord how to help this boy, and God gives Him this verse and tells him to go on a 10-day fast. Mahesh does, then goes to pray for the boy, says one sentence, and the boy flies back against the wall and the demon comes out. He takes off his straight jacket and is shocked by the fact that he has control over his body. this is one of many amazing testimonies from the power of fasting.

fasting must be a regular part of our Christian walk - 1-2 days a week, longer fasts of 3 days, 7, 10, 21 the big 40! we want to walk in power, have intimacy with Jesus, hear His voice clearly, etc...these come at a price. Salvation is free, but it will cost you everything you have - i love that paradox. fasting is one of the very effective tools He's given us to step into the things of His Spirit at a deeper level. it's not an end in and of itself, and we can't "get" God to do anything. No matter what we do, ultimately He's the one who has to sovereignly decide to move and pout our His Spirit. but He's given us principles and tools and instructions that he has said are effective and necessary for us. fasting is one of these.

i like to look at it this way too, if it helps. there is no fasting in heaven. when i get up there, i will feast on food 100 times better than anything on earth. why not go all out here and apply the tools He's given us to expand His Kingdom to the greatest possible measure on earth?

(comments please :) )

Holy Spirit's up to something!

for the past 3 days, there's been an increased presence and manifestation of the Spirit at IHOP. Holy Spirit outbreaks started happening early in the week over the Forerunner School of Ministry students, but it broke out big this past wednesday night and they canceled FSM class to allow Him to move. the leadership here recognizes God is doing something and so the past 2 nights there have been meetings from 6pm to midnight of about 2,000 people (no parking or seats anywhere) where people have been getting physically and emotionally healed and delivered. God is emphasizing the Father's heart - healing wounds and restoring people's identities as sons of God - and also the spirit of self-hatred. many have been delivered and many physically healed. the meetings are being held in the FSM building, which seats more than the prayer room. But even in the the prayer room His presence has been thicker, more tangible. yesterday i walked in and there were people everywhere laying hands on one another, shouting, crying, shaking. today, during the 8am set, the team was singing a song whose chorus is "All glory, dominion, forever and ever," a song where the focus is on the throne room and the holiness of God. His presence came strong, it was like He was taking us up. we started to pray for healing at the end. then at the noon set, the team was singing about the birth of Christ out of Luke 1, where the angel speaks to Mary and says that she has found favor with God and will birth the Son and name Him Jesus. the music was very joyful and upbeat, there was a violinist playing so it sounded like Fiddler on the Roof. they sang a chorus, "rejoice, rejoice, rejoice, His Kingdom will have no end" and the room went nuts. everyone was dancing, clapping, it was so fun and very different from the normal prayer room atmosphere or intensity and sobriety. i love the different ways God shows up and moves upon His people - in weeping, repentance, holiness, laughter, joy, dancing. it's all Him and it's all beautiful!

IHOP will be streaming the 6pm (CST) meeting for free until Sunday night. from there, the leadership will discuss what to do and how to best steward what God is doing. who knows, this could go on for a while. if you wanna get it on it, here's the link

http://IHOP.org/watch

how i know God likes me

....when i close my eyes, i can see the smile in His eyes. though i can't see Him i know that He's smiling :)

"edge of hell" outreaches

every friday and saturday in October, IHOP's evangelism ministry does outreach at haunted houses downtown. apparently, kansas city is famous for its haunted houses - not the best thing to be famous for. whoever wants to come is welcome, i went last weekend both nights. there are 2 haunted houses in this one section of the city called "The Beast" and "The Edge of Hell" (I shudder at the names, especially the beast as this is one of the names for the anti-Christ). it was the creepiest section of any city i have ever seen. not scary like in a bad-part-of-town way, just creepy. all the stores and buildings looked abandoned and closed, there were these railroad tracks and this huge stone bridge and it all just looked creepy and spiritually dark. the lines at these haunted houses were huge, people waiting for 2 hours to get in in 40 degree cold. we went and stood in line with people and talked to them about Jesus, and would get out of line when done and go to the back and talk to a new group. it was probably the easiest evangelism i have ever done. i've always understood the connection between prayer and evangelism - that prayer makes evangelism more effective, really makes everything more effective. but for the first time it became very clear how having a house of prayer in a city impacts that city's spiritual climate and i understood why a house of prayer is necessary. ihop has been praying in kansas city for 25 years (the past 10 of which have been 24/7) and the spiritual climate of the city has really been altered to where people are much more open to the gospel. This is one of the things prayer does - it softens hearts to Jesus and prepares the heart to receive Him when He is preached. I evangelized for about 2 hours both nights and I have never experienced people being so genuinely interested in Jesus. People engaged me in conversation, asked questions, sincerely wanting to know the truth and understand, not just for purpose of debate. Several people were getting convicted of their sin and the words I spoke about the love of Christ were hitting their hearts, I could see it in their eyes and countenances. 2 people actually thanked me for talking to them! that is very rare. i found myself able to be very truthful and honest - how Jesus is the only way, heaven and hell are real, and the cost of following Christ. And people actually received it! There were only 2 groups of people that got mad and were volatile, and we just blessed them. Most of my times evangelizing, it has been 2 people that have been open and the rest angry and belligerent.

it makes a lot of sense now why there must be continual prayer and worship in every city on the earth. if this is the fruit of 25 years of prayer in kansas city, give it another 10 years, and believers will be able to preach the simple gospel in the streets and people will be convicted and repent and mourn for their sins on the spot. this is the explosion of power and anointing that is coming upon the end-time church, the Holy Spirit outpouring that we're all waiting for, the Great Harvest. and it is birthed out of night and day prayer.

psalm 22 - following the Lamb

i was reading psalm 22, it's one of the many psalms that clearly prophesies the Christ and undeniably portrays Him. it's the psalm that Jesus quotes the first 2 verses of on the cross - "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" Verses 6-8 hit me hard today:

"But I am a worm, and no man;
a reproach of men, and despised by
the people.
All those who see Me ridicule Me;
They shoot out the lip, the shake the
head, saying,
'He trusted in the Lord, let Him
rescue Him;
Let Him deliver Him, since He
delights in Him!'"

This is Jesus speaking. This is how He felt, the beloved of Son of God, so glorious and beautiful, felt like a worm, ridiculed, ridiculous. He did not have to feel this way; He could have stayed in heaven and been worshiped as He deserves to be, but He chose to put on flesh and be treated as less-than-human, looked upon as crazy, a criminal. Wow, if you really meditate on this passage and visualize all this, it takes Christ's humility to a whole new level.

If this is what the Son of God went through for us, why are we so hesitant and resistant to going through the same for Him? What's more, why do we expect otherwise in our own lives and are surprised, even offended at God, when we suffer? Peter said "Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you [speaking of persecution],...but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings.." (1 Peter 4:12-13). Jesus Himself said, "In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). Will we follow the Lamb and do as He did, look as He looked...?

loving God in tragedy

A friend of mine emailed this little story a while ago. I wept when I first read it. It's about the devotion of Sudanese women to Jesus in the midst of horrible, unimaginable suffering:

Baroness Caroline Cox has been described as "the Mother Teresa of the war-torn poor."  A nurse, scientist, and deputy speaker of Britain's House of Lords, she has, to many of the world's helpless, become "love in action" in human form and a powerful voice on behalf of the forgotten.

When asked to relate both her worst moment and her best during all her journeys of mercy.  The worst was entering a Dinka village after Sudanese government-backed soldiers had left, laden with human loot.

The stench of death was overpowering.  More than a hundred corpses lay where they had been savagely butchered.  Men, women, children, even cattle, had been cut down or herded into captivity to be carried north as slaves.  Straw huts were ablaze, crops had been razed, and devastation and death confronted the eyes everywhere.  Worst of all was the knowledge that the militia would return with their gunships and rifles, and the area's villages would once again lie naked before the ferocity and bloodlust of the Muslim fundamentalists form the North. "Genocide is an overworked word," Lady Cox said, "and one I never use without meaning it.  But I mean it."

And her best moment?  It came, she said, right after the worst.  With the raiders gone and the results of their cruelty all around, the few women still alive - husbands slain, children kidnapped into slavery, homes ruined, and they themselves brutally raped - were pulling themselves together.  Their first instinctive act was to make tiny crosses out of sticks lying on the ground and to push them into the earth.

What were they doing?  Fashioning instant memorials to those they had lost?  No, Lady Cox explained. The crudely formed crosses were not grave markers, but symbols.  The rossed sticks, pressed into the ground at the moment when their bodies reeled and their hearts bled, were acts of faith.  As followers of Jesus of Nazareth in the Horn of Africa, they served a God whom they believed knew pain as they knew pain.  Blinded by pain and grief themselves, horribly aware that the world would neither know nor care about their plight, they still staked their lives on the conviction that there was one who knew and cared.  They were not alone.

intercession = crucifixion

first of all, i made it to ihop, kansas city! and i love it. the prayer room is amazing. i strongly encourage everyone to come here for a season, whether it be a month or 2 years. it's incredible what spending hours a day in focused prayer will do for your heart.

i was in the prayer room during intercession today, and the worship team was singing a song that goes, "Great Intercessor, always living to intercede. Why are You crying, heavily sighing, share Your heart with me." i got the revelation that intercession crucifixion go hand in hand. Intercession is the act of laying down your life, being crucified and dying. The ultimate intercession was Jesus hanging between heaven and earth, reconciling the 2 worlds. His plea "Father, I desire that they would be with Me where I am" cost Him His life, a price He was glad to pay. And so, when He tells us to take up our cross, part of what this means is to become an intercessor and partner with Him in His act of intercession. To lay down our burdens and take up His IS to tarry with Him, as even now He is our Great High Priest ever living to intercede (Hebrews 7). Prayer is the act of reconciling men to God, as Jesus did on the cross. So when we pray, we are entering into His burden and becoming crucified with Christ - dying to ourselves, our ambitions, and caring about another...stretching out our hands to heaven and saying "God, save their soul."

spirit of criticism

when i first came to the house of prayer, God sternly convicted me about the spirit of criticism. i realized how judgmental i am, critical, easily perceiving fault in others and viewing them through the lens of their weaknesses and issues versus through the eyes of Jesus. i realized how i do not bridle my tongue, and the tongue is a small member but steers the whole body, and is set on fire by hell (James 3), so it is so important to learn to restrain yourself, to not speak evil, complain, speak negatively. this pollutes your heart and clouds your discernment. since this initial realization, i've been fighting against this spirit and wrestling to get this criticism out of me. i've asked God to purify my heart, to convict me the moment i think/say a critical thought/word, to give me His heart and help me see through His eyes. God truly is able to change our hearts, because i have noticed my heart slowly transforming, where i am truly beginning to see people as Jesus sees them - with all their issues, He says they're lovely. as i've been awakened to my own critical spirit, i've become sensitive to it and aware of it around me. i've realized how much of our conversation (i'm talking about Christians talking to Christians) is completely unedifying to the Body and saturated with criticism and disdain. how we criticize this church or that church, point out the flaws in this person, pick that person apart. this is what the Bible calls "evil speaking". if we are the Body of Christ, and each person a different member, then doing this is liken to me taking a knife and just slashing my leg or my arm constantly, or gouging my eye out. graphic, i know, but that's the truth. i would never do that to my body. so why do we as His Body do that to ourselves? anything you say that does not build the Body does not contribute to the increase of His Kingdom. it hinders it, slows it down, even tears it down and destroys the work of God among us.

someone at IHOP (i forget who now) had an encounter in the spirit where they went to heaven and met Enoch, the man who walked with God and was not, for God took him (Genesis 5:24). this person asked Enoch, "How do you walk so near to God that you don't die, you just get taken away?" Enoch's response is so riveting and convicting that it doesn't matter if you don't believe this happened, you can't deny the validity of his statement. Enoch said, "When you learn to not hurt people with your words or with your thoughts, you will walk in God's presence." WHOA! That is one of the most simple yet profound statements i have ever heard, and i think about it every day.

God sees people through the blood of the Son, that means fully cleansed, 100% pure. not to say that He doesn't see their faults and weaknesses. He knows these better than anyone, and is constantly putting men through fire and discipline to purify them. but when He sees the faults, He says, "That's not who you are. All fair you are my darling; there is no flaw in you" (Song of Songs 4:7). this is how He views EVERY believer. no matter what you think about the church next door, THIS is how Jesus views that church. and this is what it means to see through His eyes. if you don't see other Christians, churches, ministries in this way, you do not have His heart, and you do not see as He sees. (of course there's a place for correction and rebuke, i'm not talking about that. i'm talking about criticism). back to Enoch's statement - we want God's presence, to be near Him, but there is a huge role we play in this reality. we decide how close we want to be, and a big part of this is having a pure heart. and a big part of having a pure heart is taking very practical steps to loving people: When you think a negative thought...#1) don't say it, #2) repent for it and ask God to change your heart, #3) purposely and verbally say 3 positive things about that person, #4) thank God for that person/church. that's the essence of it.

this is what God is doing in me, wanted to share with everyone and hopefully inspire :)

Jesus WEEPS

My friend sent me a text with this quote: "A Christian is someone who shares the sufferings of God in the world" (Dietrich Bonhoeffer). He was a German pastor under Hitler's regime and one of very few Christians who condemned the dictator's persecution of the Jews. He died in prison for attempting to assassinate Hitler, something he felt the Lord call him to and wrestled with as he was a pacifist and peacemaker. He eventually drew the analogy of a shooter walking into a classroom saying he was going to kill all the students. Wouldn't you as the teacher shoot the shooter? All that to say, Bonhoeffer knew what he was talking about in terms of suffering.

I love this quote because it indicates that God suffers. Jesus Christ is no longer in an earthly body, feeling and seeing what we see and feel. He's no longer on the cross, experiencing the weight of every sin and every pain we've ever had. He is risen. But God still suffers. He still experiences pain over human daily suffering. His heart still cries. A woman named Jennifer Miller had an encounter where God took her to a room in His house called the Weeping Room. He told her He spent most of His time there and asked if she was sure she wanted to go in. She said, "I want to be where You are." The room is furnished with only a chair, where Jesus sits and watches scene after scene of human suffering - children being abused, starvation, poverty, death, disease. She sees tears streaming down the Lord's face. Jesus still weeps.

Do we want to be where He is? Philippians 1:29 says "For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him but also to suffer for His sake..." To be like Christ, our master, to follow Him, means to sit with the poor, share in their pain, and not turn a blind eye to it because it hurts too much (and when I say "poor," I don't mean just materially, because you can be monetarily rich but very oppressed and depressed, and thereby poor). You are called to feel it, because Christ does...right now. He dwells among the broken. Do you want to be where He is...?

tribute to Cambridge

i was in durham this past weekend and got to spend time with some good friends from Cambridge (the ministry i was in in college). like always, i had a wonderful time. like always, i barely slept because christie and i stayed up hours into the night talking and laughing. i encountered generosity, goofiness, sincere encouragement, devotion to Jesus, and real brotherly love...just like old times. new inside jokes were formed, memories revisited. christian payed for dinner thursday night. brennen handed me a $100 dollar bill the same night (which i thought was a $20 until i actually looked at it much later). both touched my heart to the point of tears with their encouraging words about zhop's closure. pastor john and martha atkins payed for breakfast saturday morning, expressing such joy about my move to Sudan it made me more excited. i went to lunch with andrea and was deeply inspired by her strength. rollan gave me the best, most loving hug at church. christie and kenesha drove me everywhere! i cooked rice and burned it (typical) and stunk up christie's place. she looked up remedies to burnt pots online, and we spent the next day boiling salt and baking soda...stinking up the place yet again. i got to laugh heartily, talk about problems and struggles, revel in God's work in us. these are true friendships - where you go from discussing end times to sharing your heart in God to laughing about being gassy from eating too much beans, all in one conversation.

every reunion between 2+ Cambridge folk is just like old times...even though years have passed and so much life and growth has happened, nothing's changed between us. when we're together, we're the same silly kids who were crazy for God in college and did ridiculous things. our stories, testimonies, experiences are written in eternity. maybe we'll sit around the big screen up there and watch the DVD with God. maybe we'll even live in the same neighborhood in heaven.

to all my Cambridge-ites...you know who you are, you are more than friends to me. you are my family, and i look forward to spending eternity with you.

"Your ways are perfect" - ZHOP's completion

as I said in my August newsletter, ZHOP is closing. this announcement was made about 1 month ago. Greg Burnett, the man who was going to be taking over leadership from Kirk (who was moving to IHOP) declared confidently that he was not the person for this job and did not have the grace from the Lord to do it. all the staff understood and knew it was the Lord. He was saying, "You're done here, well done, assignment complete." but that didn't make it any easier. the day it was announced, i wept bitterly, and for the next 2 days as well. i am moving to Sudan in January, and the closing of ZHOP meant i was losing my home. since then we've been through a roller coaster ride of emotions. for most staff, this is liken to a job transfer, and as the whole leadership team is moving to IHOP Kansas City, so now are most staff. it's different for the community - people with full-time jobs for whom ZHOP is their church. most are not making a move to KC, so they are experiencing a lot of pain and grief over the loss of ZHOP. one man put it this way - "the reason i'm so hurt is because i am so grateful for this place. it has changed my family's life." it has been nothing less than painful to walk through this for everyone.

i am making the move to IHOP. the family i live with, Tom and Hilary Lacy, invited me to move with them (the night we got the announcement and i was destroyed because i didn't know where to go between now and January. it brought instant peace and security). the biggest burden we now have is selling 8 houses (families rent houses from one owner and house singles as well). i think i am alright now. i am looking forward to resting at IHOP. it's been hard the last few months here, being a shift leader and worship leader. i've heard the prayer room at IHOP is amazing - you sit down and are immediately sucked into heaven. that'll be really nice.

i decided to not try to figure out why this happened, all the spiritual reasons. none of us will know until the age to come why the Lord did this, and then it will make sense and we'll say, "Your ways are perfect."

dreams, pain, waiting

we held our annual Holy Revolution conference this weekend at zhop. corey russell from ihop-kc and jake hamilton from refuge house of prayer came to speak/lead worship. it was definitely powerful (if you've heard corey speak, you know it's dynamic and convicting). corey said one phrase that made me weep. he said, "the pain you feel in your heart over the desires God has put in you [them being yet unfulfilled] is your gift from Him, because it causes you to wrestle with him for the fulfillment of those desires." God puts these dreams in us, sometimes things so unexpected we know they must be from Him, and then He makes us....wait....to make us ready to handle the dream when it comes. we think if the dream is righteous, God's dream, something for the sake of the Kingdom alone, then we should see it fulfilled right away. God knows better. i think a dream too quickly partaken of becomes a nightmare, because you don't have the character, strength of heart, steadfastness of faith necessary to walk it out. even so, there's real pain over dreams and desires yet unrealized, tucked away in your heart, where God stokes the flame of these desires, sometimes making it even more painful to wait. but the pain is actually a good thing, because it means you're not apathetic about walking out God's purposes in your life. if you feel pain, you're going to contend and cry out for them to come to pass - a key factor to their fulfillment. so i'll be grateful for the dreams, for the pain, and for the waiting.

Breakthrough is...

One of my favorite quotes, by Heidi Baker, is "Jesus died so that there would always be enough." She wrote a book called "Always Enough: God's Provision Among the Poorest Children on Earth" where she recounts incredible testimonies - no money in the bank account and 300 people to feed, and all the money coming in at the needed time, food being multiplied. She had an open vision where she saw a sea of children before her, thousands and thousands. Jesus was asking her to feed them and she was screaming, "No, no! There's too many! I can't take them all!" Jesus said, "Look into my eyes. I died so that there would always be enough." She finds bread and wine in her hand and begins handing it out to the children one by one, and the elements multiply as she is handing them out and everyone eats!

Another profound quote is from Kirk Bennett, in relation to finances and provision. He always says, "Breakthrough is not when you have all the finances you need. Breakthrough is when you are not afraid." This is so true. We always pray for financial breakthrough, which is legitimate, but the real breakthrough is when you have rent and bills to pay and don't have the money yet and there is no fear, no unbelief, no anxiety in your heart. A deeper, greater breakthrough than that of your circumstance is the one of your heart.

I want this kind of breakthrough - freedom from fear and unbelief. It's why the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, "...they could not enter in [to rest] because of unbelief" (Hebr. 3:19). No matter how many times they saw God provide, the next situation where they needed to trust Him, their faith failed them. We are no different today. This seems to be one of our greatest weaknesses as believers. I am repenting for my faithless heart and contending for the breakthrough, making progress for sure :)

psalm 91

i was telling a friend recently, an older woman who is becoming a spiritual mom to me (she ministered in the inner city for 10 years. when i heard this, i said, "we need to talk. tell me your story"), how i have been feeling anxious about finances. i know the Lord has called me, that i am doing what He wants me to do, but getting my brain to align with what i know so strongly in my spirit is the challenge. our minds are always the battle field. God says to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things (speaking of food, clothes, shelter) will be added to us (Matthew 6:33). i read these beautiful, freeing words and experience tangible peace, but then my logic clicks into gear and i try to perceive this in the natural and it seems so impossible...i feel the anxiety creeping in, and the peace leaves.

so this woman told me what she does - she reads psalm 91. it says "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God in Him i will trust. Surely He will deliver me from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence; He shall cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will take refuge...." as she was reciting this from memory, i was feeling the weight of God's presence, as was she. i decided to do as she does, verbally speak this psalm over myself, repeat it over and over and ponder the words, visualize the text. i also decided to stop looking at financial circumstances in the natural, thinking of all the money i have to raise, how impossible it seems, etc, and to just do what i need to do - call people, make appointments, go through all the steps - and not dwell on, "how is this going to work out?" i decided to deliberately disengage my mind from my actions, and the whole time look at Jesus and His words to me. when i set my eyes on the heavenly realm where He dwells, i literally feel 100% faith in my heart. when i go up there, i feel, "of course God's gonna do this, no questions asked. it wouldn't make sense for Him not to?"

so here's the 2 keys - reading Scripture out loud, so your own ears can hear it, and by all the force of your will, looking up.

overwhelmed

there's a song by Hillsong United called "To Know Your Name" (search it on youtube, it's amazing) and one of the lines is "Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness..." I was worshiping to this song and began weeping at this line. I visualized our brokenness and His grace overtaking it, completely covering it up to where you can't see it anymore. 1 Peter 4:8 came to mind - "...love will cover a multitude of sins." I immediately understood what it meant. it's His love literally covering our sins, imagine a blanket, to where you can't see them anymore, they don't exist in His eyes. His great love for us causes our sins to be invisible. it's more than sins too - it's all our struggles, pains, anxieties, failures....our brokenness. in the context of this song, His grace - His enabling ability, His power and mercy - completely overtakes these things and makes them go away. i was weeping because i could feel it, His grace coming at that moment, descending upon my stresses and doubts, and overwhelming them...they disappear.

(comment please :) )

Peter and God's wonderful refining process

i recently finished 1 Peter, i was reading and meditating on it slowly for a long time, and the book is all about good conduct as a Christian. What this means is righteous and blameless living, that when the Gentiles (unbelievers) revile you as evildoers, they may see your good conduct and be put to shame and glorify God in the end (essentially, be convicted because they accused you and out of this conviction, turn to the Lord and receive salvation). also, i love the character of Peter, because in his example you see so vividly the power of the Holy Spirit to transform a man. When Christ called him, he was young, impulsive, self-confident, self-righteous, strong in himself but also bold and fiery. He had the audacity to rebuke Jesus (when Jesus said to him "Get behind me Satan") and to say to Jesus that he'd be with him to the death (after which Christ told him he would deny Him 3 times). yet we see demonstrations of his boldness - he was the first to step out of the boat when Jesus walked on water. when Peter denies Christ, he is devastated and severely humbled. i believe this is why the Lord allowed this to happen, because Peter needed to be humbled and needed to see that he was not strong in himself, that he was not even able to stand strong in the faith without the aid of the Holy Spirit.

Peter denies the Lord, yet Jesus instantly takes him back after the resurrection. Jesus calls a very humbled and ashamed Peter to Himself and tells him to feed His sheep, to follow Him (John 21). Jesus says, " '...when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you wished; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish.' This He spoke, signifying by what death he would glorify God" (John 21:18-19). Peter realized by these words that he would suffer much in his life. Peter wrote 1 and 2 Peter at the end of his life, right before he was crucified, and as you read these letters, you are seeing a completely different man than the young guy that Jesus called to be his disciple - still bold as ever but a man of great meekness who requested to be crucified upside down because of revelation of his own unworthiness to even die the same way Jesus did. The man who starts off his Christian walk thinking he's "the stuff" ends it knowing he is nothing - that Christ is everything, that Christ in him is the only thing that makes him great. He got this revelation not all of a sudden, but slowly, by God's process of chipping away at the areas of his heart that were not Christ-like. Day by day, year by year, God worked in Peter and slowly changed and purified him through suffering and trials to be a man of boldness, as he always was, but also humble, meek, having no confidence in his own strength and no self-righteousness.

Peter's life is such a witness of God's complete ability to transform us and take even our greatest weaknesses and redeem them and turn them into strengths. we want this to happen right away, but God loves processes! And the best part is, He never gives up on us. Let Peter's testimony be an encouragement and assurance to us that if God can change him and call someone like him, with all his issues, he can change any one of us and complete the good work He started.

the truth is, I don't trust God

why is it so hard to trust God?!?! i am frustrated with myself because no matter how many times God comes through for me, every time a new challenge arises, i find myself not trusting! the worst part about it is that the "new challenge" is not new at all, but the same type of situation i just went through 3 months earlier where God came through massively. say finances, for example - a BIG source of stress for missionaries, and an area that, for some reason, is the most difficult to trust God in. when i graduated college, completed my internship at ZHOP, and was entering into living 100% on support, i had 2 weeks to raise enough monthly funding. i was freaking out. i remember crying to a friend on the phone saying, "God called me to full-time ministry, but how am i going to do this, i don't have any funding!" funny part is, i was having this crisis of trust before i had even made a real concerted effort to raise funds. guess what happened? 2 weeks later, i had the money i needed to be a full-time missionary. then i thought, "how stupid of me to doubt the Lord! God, forgive me for my faithlessness."

i thought i learned my lesson, but now i am back in the same boat, in need of finances and stressing out about it. as before, i haven't made a real effort to raise more support, but i'm already anxious. as i am writing this, i am seeing how ridiculous it is to stress before you've even tried. and even more ridiculous, to stress when you are loved by someone like our Lord, who gives to those who ask according to His will. James calls it double-mindedness and instability when a man asks from the Lord and doubts that he shall have it (Jas 1:6).

it really is all on God. if God wants you to do something, He must provide the way, or else you can't do it. the pressure's all on Him! you don't have to do anything but BELIEVE! it is part of our inheritance in Christ to live stress-free. why do we not receive this inheritance? we have the privilege of serving a God who deeply cares and has our best interest in mind (as much as we do not believe that sometimes). let's start acting like it.

p.s. please comment :)

How to use ZHOP TV

This little embedded video I have here (on the right side of the page) is a bunch of audio and video clips from sets at ZHOP, various worship leaders, conferences, and services. To browse, go to "Menu", "Browse On-Demand Library" and select what you would like to listen to.

I'm on it! To find me, do the above and you'll see my name :)

Longsuffering

2 Peter 3:9 says "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." The context of this verse is the promise of Christ's return, redemption of creation, and destruction of the wicked. I was reading this passage in the Prayer Room and got stuck for a while on this verse. I kept writing and writing about God's longsuffering nature. Longsuffering literally means "to suffer long," or be patient. When we must exercise patience, it implies suffering because we are having to wait for something we badly want right then. What is it that God so badly wants? He wants to marry His Bride and return to earth to dwell with her. This has been His ultimate desire from eternity past. He is consumed with it; it's all He thinks about. What's more, He can have her whenever He wants, for it's His choice when to return. What restrains Him? It's love for those who do not yet know Him, for those who blatantly reject Him, even hate Him. He knows if He were to return now, they would perish and be cast into the lake of fire...and so He waits, to give them ample time to repent and return His love. Even though all creation reveals the glory of God, there is so much evidence of Christ's love, and people hear the Gospel many times and reject him over and over, He still waits, hopes for them to turn. He puts His own desire on hold for the sake of more people coming into the Kingdom. He's willing to suffer long. The laying down of His life, the choosing to cause Himself more pain for another's gain, did not stop at the cross; He does it every second that He does not return.

If you read the book of Revelation and the judgments, God seems mean. There will be famines, wars, massive amounts of people dying. But picture a child abuser, or a human traffiker who rapes children and women, and then think about the fact that the reason Christ has not returned yet is because He is waiting for this wicked person to see the light, that He LOVES even this depraved human being. He wants NONE to perish...that's why He waits. So when He unleashes judgment on the earth, it's because He has waited the absolute maximum amount of time He could and given people ample time and evidence to repent. You see, everything He does is love - the cross, judgment, everything. He's always moving out of a heart of pure, undefiled, crazy love.

content....

my contentment level is unstable and fluctuates a lot....i'm talking about in the area of marriage. i'll go for a few month of being really content, not thinking about it at all, or when i do, just feeling total trust in the Lord in an "i-know-it's-gonna-happen-whether-it's-sooner-or-later-God's-timing-is-the-best-and-amazing" kind of way. then i'll hit despair in this area and cry and say, "God why have you forgotten me?" this sounds dramatic, because i'm 23 years old, and it is :) but it's real human emotion that God cares about and treasures. when i feel the latter, it's usually when things are particularly rough with family and i'm feeling the weight of that - their opposition to Christ and what i do. in these times, i feel very alone because i'm lacking the support of those who are supposed to be that consistent, strong support system in a person's life, and i'm not married. i say, "God, if i'm not gonna have my family, at least let me be married so i would have that as a strength to lean on." i'm completely not satisfied. lately, however, i've been very content. nothing has changed - still the same old battle with parents, still no potential husband around - but i feel good! i received a work from a dear friend at ZHOP, an older man who the Lord has used to speak profoundly into my life, and he told me to not be in a rush to get married and to be patient, to enjoy this time of singleness as a time of being molded into who the Lord wants me to be. i received this and began to see singleness as an opportunity to be whole-heartedly devoted to the Lord without distraction, to run hard after Him and press in to know Him with all my might. and when i feel lonely, my reaction can be to push harder into God. i've decided to see singleness as the only chance i get to single-mindedly and undividedly commune with the Lord. i think God has deliberately hidden me because He wants me for Himself :) ultimately, i want to know Christ and want to say yes to whatever it takes for me to know Him as intimately as i can in this life

....so i'm content to be single...for now. who knows what i'll say 3 months down the road.

Lesson from an Ear Infection

This whole week i have had a real nasty and painful ear infection. It's not completely gone (I still can't hear anything out of my right ear) but most of the pain has subsided, which feels incredible. I was taking antibiotics and about 12 advil a day just to be functional. (It's funny, I've been swimming in oceans, dirty lakes, rock quarries, and pool since I was 7, and I dip my head in 5 times at the community pool and I get the worst ear infection). I'm tellin' you, you don't know how good it is to be pain free until you are in a great amount of pain. In the midst of my agonizing infection, I get a newsletter from Iris Ministries, from Rolland Baker. He writes about his 2 year battle with extreme illness - a nervous breakdown resulting in mental and emotional stress, a nervous tension, memory loss and signs of serious dementia. His whole body was in disrepair and majorly malfunctioning. All this was the result of the extreme stress and pressure of the mission field. Rolland is in recovery now in Germany at a Christian wellness center and is doing much better. But as I read this account, and felt my own unbearable pain, I was struck by the fact that God does not owe us anything. Yes, He wants to and will give us good things - provision, protection, health....But He does not owe it to us. These in no way determine or alter His goodness. He already demonstrated His goodness to the fullest extent possible by sending His Son to the cross, rescuing us from an eternity of misery. By this act alone He proved Himself to be so extremely incomprehensibly good, that if He did absolutely nothing else for us ever again, He would still be fully good, and we wouldn't be able to say otherwise. The fact that He doesn't stop at the salvation of our souls and continues to give us good gifts pushes it way over the top torrential downpour, i-just-wanna-scream HE IS SOOO GOOOOOOODDDDDD!! Though He loves to give gifts, they are just that - gifts, not guarantees, but pleasant surprises.

You would think that God would give someone like Rolland great health all his life, a man who's poured himself out tirelessly for the poor and the orphans. Or at least a miraculous healing, so he wouldn't suffer like this. But Jesus never promised us good health, a good life, a good...anything. In fact, He said the opposite, that the world would hate us. He promised us that He would be with us, and He proved to us that He was worth it. Suffering is part of the road, it's what we sign up for when we say "Yes" to Jesus (maybe you didn't know it, but He said that we must count the cost)...and we keep saying yes through it all because we find Him worth it, that who we have gained (Christ Himself) so far outweighs what we lose, that any price we have to pay does not even come close to how much He is worth.

So I believe God for and expect health, miracles, provision, little tokens of His love (a little boy came up to me, as I'm fighting the ear ache, and gave me a chocolate bar), but I'm not gonna be angry or offended when it may not happen. For even so, He is beautiful, good, worth any and all of it. Let this be your heart cry too...

Photo Captions

From top to bottom:
1) Kelly and me singing on an intercession set
2) & 3) Ryan and baby John praying for Kelly; the anointing is transferring through the sippy cup, haha
4) John playing with the flags in the Prayer Room
5) Sally praying on the mike for a Culture of Life in America
6) Brock family (husband, wife, 4 boys) playing a set; this family is amazing, they faithfully played the 4-6am set 4 days a week!
7) Kelly worshiping (this was staged, she saw me taking the picture :) )
8) & 9) The whole crew! 7 full-timers (+ John) who stood in prayer between midnight-6am every night! We're pointing to the board on which is written who leads what sets, and we're excited because for the last week, we filled all the slot. So we had live music in the Night all week, no CDs! (this hadn't happened in a while).

Some pictures from the last week of Nightwatch

big changes at ZHOP

We've had some big changes in the last month at ZHOP. We are no longer 24/7, we're only open from 8am-8pm, so 12 hours a day. This was a huge shock to everyone when Kirk announced it, but we all knew it was the right move to make. ZHOP has lost many staff, specifically singers and musicians, since it was first planted 4 years ago. We've gained a lot too, but not enough to keep going 24/7. And we were doing 24/7 with about 30 people, so there were few people per shift, the worship teams were small, and it was becoming difficult to sustain worship and prayer. We were spread too thin, and we needed to consolidate for the sake of the staff not burning out and becoming exhausted.

So I am now the shift leader on the Morning Watch (8am-2pm), along with another person, which has been rough because I am so used to the Nightwatch sleep schedule. I've been on it for 3 weeks now, and am still having trouble falling asleep at 11pm. Also, I have about 15 people to lead now, instead of 4 on Nightwatch, so this is challenging. I am also confronting a lot of fear of man in leading sets on stage. I had gotten so used to just the Nightwatch folks in the room when I would lead worship, and I knew them so well I wasn't intimidated. But now there's a lot more people in the room, many of whom are great musicians, and so I get up there and I am intimidated and constantly hit with thoughts that they are judging me or they think I sound bad, etc. Although I know it's the enemy, it's still hard to combat these lies and really believe the truth and be free on stage. I think God is digging deeper as far as removing fear of man and desire to please man.

I've also missed the Nightwatch folks a lot. We had such a strong bond, our little crew, and now the shifts are bigger and everyone is dispersed. You have to make more of an effort to get to know people and talk to people; otherwise, you can go the whole day in the prayer room, pray and play your set, and not speak to anyone.

So this is the latest news, and challenges...

Amazing story - Son of Hamas leader turns to Christ!

This is an incredible interview I read about a Hamas leader's son (a terrorist organization) becoming a Christian!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,402483,00.html

Murder of Abortionist George Tiller

As many of you know, recently, famous abortionist George Tiller, who performed late-term abortions and trained others to do so, was violently murdered in his church. When I heard this news, I was deeply grieved. We had a conference at ZHOP about a year ago where Matt Lockett from Bound4Life (the people with the red tape on their mouths) spoke. One of his messages was entitled "With Malice Toward None." He said that God not only cares that we fight to end abortion, but He cares about how we fight to end abortion. Violence cannot be justified for violence. He spoke about pro-lifers being so enraged as to bomb clinics and kill abortion doctors, but he took it beyond the actual act of violence and murder. He addressed the heart, which is what Jesus addresses in Matthew 5, that if you are even angry with your brother you have committed murder against him. He said, "We may never pick up a gun, but if we harbor malice, anger, hate, we've actually pulled the trigger in our hearts. Anger progresses to malice progresses to murder, and the later we interrupt the process, the more humiliating it is." If violent sentiments in the heart are not brought before the Lord in repentance, you not only become guilty in His eyes but also capable of such an act as shooting a man in church. This case is an example of the justice of man - man taking vengeance into his own hands. Vengeance is the Lord's, and He will avenge the blood of the babies and judge their cause. This is clear in His Word, as He is the defender of the innocent and voiceless, and He will judge wicked systems and wicked men. And both of these men will face the Judge and give account to Him. Our job is to pray for justice, speak the truth in boldness, and love anyone and everyone until they come to Jesus. No one is beyond salvation; no hard heart is to difficult for God. Matt Lockett also spoke of a dear friend of his who was an abortino doctor before meeting Jesus. She described the incredible deception one is under in this industry, truly believing you are helping women, when in reality you're subjecting them to years of emotional trauma and guilt. Thankfully, she was able to repent before someone had the chance to shoot her. George Tiller had this opportunity too, but this opportunity should last a lifetime (or as long as one has before Jesus returns), and it didn't in his case.

I know a family in Kansas City who has prayed in front of George Tiller's clinic and sought to close it down for 10 years. They wept when they found out what happened. This is the heart of God - to pray for justice and weep over the atrocity of babies being killed, as He does, to cry out for the salvation of the abortionists, and weep over such cases as George Tiller's, as He does. We must understand the heart of God - 100% just and 100% merciful. We must see who Jesus is through His word and make every effort to align our hearts with this reality. There is no other way forward, and no hope otherwise.

thoughts from the front lines...sieging

I sieged today (that's where you stand in front of an abortion clinic with red tape that says "LIFE" on your mouth and pray for the ending of abortion)...and it's crazy how even when you are completely silent, there's so much opposition and anger that comes against you from people who walk or drive by. we did get a few friendly honks in the midst of some hostile honks. You can distinguish between hostile and friendly by the length of the honk. Long, drawn out honks = hostility, short, quick honks are friendly. Something I learned today. Someone yelled an obscenity at us, which I wasn't moved by. In fact, I like some contention and persecution, makes me feel like I'm doing something valuable. Anyway, as I was standing out there, I totally felt God's presence. I didn't feel an intense burden or travail, just the presence of Jesus. As I was praying, I saw an image of the Lord removing the clothes from the abortion industry and from this clinic specifically, exposing its nakedness and its shame. The clothes abortion wears are deception and falsehood, meaning people don't see how evil the practice is and how harmful it is to not only the baby but the mother and the clinic employees. I know so many stories of women who have had abortions who were/are so depressed, suicidal, lifeless, feeling that there was something in them that was a part of them and it was ripped out, and now they are empty. No matter how much the industry tries to convince people that it's just a group of cells, or whatever, a woman knows - her conscience knows, her spirit knows. The woman whose case legalized abortion in 1973 herself was suicidal, an alcoholic, overcome with guilt and shame at what she had done, until she met Jesus. Now she speaks out against this practice. Many clinic workers are also very depressed, drink a lot, and are just suffering inside. This is directly related to the fact that they are partnering with death and darkness. But abortion is seen in the larger society as this benevolent, compassionate deed, and God is going to take the clothes off, and all will see its shame.

visiting parents, being a light, amazing testimony!

i went home to san francisco for a week to visit family...as some of you may know, my family is not Christian and is hostile to my faith in Christ. they think i am completely crazy and are very hurt by my walk with the Lord and my missionary calling. it's hard to go home and be in this kind of atmosphere, but i know i have to be merciful, kind, loving, patient, regardless of what they say or how they treat me. this is the only way they'll come to know the Lord, is through my witness. so i was home recently and we were hiking in Yosemite National Park (we hiked an 18 mile trail to the top of the highest peak, it was so strenuous but totally worth it), and my mom began a conversation with me which quickly went sour, and she was angry and raging, accusing...i never know the right response in these situations, except to lay low and remain at peace. i began telling her about the Lord and His freedom, trying to bring the conversation back to her and her brokenness, but it was met with scoff and mockery. towards the end, all i knew to do was say, "Mom, i just love you so much" to all of her accusation, which made her even angrier. 10 minutes later, she was totally nice, as if none of that had happened. this happens a lot, and it's the strangest thing. i don't know if this is because she feels like she succeeded and made me feel bad, or because she herself feels guilty for saying the things she said. i have no idea, all i know is that my response always must be kindness, speaking the truth in gentleness and love.

so that night i am going to sleep and i am frustrated with the Lord about all this. i begin lamenting to him, about how it's been 5 years of this difficult warfare with my parents (i got saved at 18), and it's gotten worse over the years. i was being honest with him, saying that nothing is working, my parents are just getting harder and harder to the truth. i was reminding Him that His word says that we are a city on a hill, a light, that our light inevitably shines in the darkness, and saying, "Lord, it's not working! You said that i'd be a light. well, i am not. They are not changing, they are not seeing Christ in my at all, they're not seeing the light, what is going on?" I was tired - of believing, hoping, trusting, just plain tired of the fight.

2 days later, i'm in a coffee shop reading a book when a Jehovah's Witness approaches me and begins witnessing to me. i didn't mind and decided to talk to him for a little bit, about what i do and my faith. he hands me a book, leaves, and a man seated near me overhears the conversation and asks to see the book. i, in turn, invite him to come sit and chat with me, immediately spotting the witnessing opportunity. he is a Jewish Frenchman from Paris named Serge, and we proceed to speak for 2.5 hours about God. he tells me he's on a journey to find God, he's been visiting synagogues and churches. i tell him my testimony and preach the Gospel to him, about who Jesus is and that he is our hope, joy and peace, which do not exist apart from him. at the end of our conversation, when i am about to leave, you will never believe what he says to me...."irina, there is a beautiful light on your face, and a flame inside of you..." i almost wept....exactly the thing i was complaining to God about 2 days earlier, about there not being light in me...i was taken aback by the Lord's mercy and goodness, to use this unbeliever to confirm to me that yes, His word IS true, there IS light in me, and my parents DO feel and see it....it's just going to take some time for them to admit it...

so I started a blog...

I never thought I would have a blog...I don't like to try and write about what's going on in my life, it always seems hard to communicate clearly.  But I think it's important to keep the people in my life cued in on what I'm thinking, my thoughts, emotions, trials, joys...

A quick update on where I'm at.  I am a full time missionary on staff at the Zadok House of Prayer in Charlotte, NC, where I minister to the Lord in prayer, worship, and intercession on the Nightwatch (12-6am shift).  This has been a time of spiritual preparation and cultivation of intimacy with Jesus before heading out to the mission field, specifically Sudan, to work for Iris Ministries (www.irimin.com). I am a shift leader here and I absolutely love my job and the people I pray with.  

This is a welcome and introduction note to everyone.  I'll be posting articles, pictures, thoughts, feelings, experiences, things God is teaching me on this blog.  So check it regularly to see what's new.

Also, you can give to me on this blog through PayPal by clicking on the button (it's quick and simple).

Love you guys!