thoughts from the front lines...sieging

I sieged today (that's where you stand in front of an abortion clinic with red tape that says "LIFE" on your mouth and pray for the ending of abortion)...and it's crazy how even when you are completely silent, there's so much opposition and anger that comes against you from people who walk or drive by. we did get a few friendly honks in the midst of some hostile honks. You can distinguish between hostile and friendly by the length of the honk. Long, drawn out honks = hostility, short, quick honks are friendly. Something I learned today. Someone yelled an obscenity at us, which I wasn't moved by. In fact, I like some contention and persecution, makes me feel like I'm doing something valuable. Anyway, as I was standing out there, I totally felt God's presence. I didn't feel an intense burden or travail, just the presence of Jesus. As I was praying, I saw an image of the Lord removing the clothes from the abortion industry and from this clinic specifically, exposing its nakedness and its shame. The clothes abortion wears are deception and falsehood, meaning people don't see how evil the practice is and how harmful it is to not only the baby but the mother and the clinic employees. I know so many stories of women who have had abortions who were/are so depressed, suicidal, lifeless, feeling that there was something in them that was a part of them and it was ripped out, and now they are empty. No matter how much the industry tries to convince people that it's just a group of cells, or whatever, a woman knows - her conscience knows, her spirit knows. The woman whose case legalized abortion in 1973 herself was suicidal, an alcoholic, overcome with guilt and shame at what she had done, until she met Jesus. Now she speaks out against this practice. Many clinic workers are also very depressed, drink a lot, and are just suffering inside. This is directly related to the fact that they are partnering with death and darkness. But abortion is seen in the larger society as this benevolent, compassionate deed, and God is going to take the clothes off, and all will see its shame.

visiting parents, being a light, amazing testimony!

i went home to san francisco for a week to visit family...as some of you may know, my family is not Christian and is hostile to my faith in Christ. they think i am completely crazy and are very hurt by my walk with the Lord and my missionary calling. it's hard to go home and be in this kind of atmosphere, but i know i have to be merciful, kind, loving, patient, regardless of what they say or how they treat me. this is the only way they'll come to know the Lord, is through my witness. so i was home recently and we were hiking in Yosemite National Park (we hiked an 18 mile trail to the top of the highest peak, it was so strenuous but totally worth it), and my mom began a conversation with me which quickly went sour, and she was angry and raging, accusing...i never know the right response in these situations, except to lay low and remain at peace. i began telling her about the Lord and His freedom, trying to bring the conversation back to her and her brokenness, but it was met with scoff and mockery. towards the end, all i knew to do was say, "Mom, i just love you so much" to all of her accusation, which made her even angrier. 10 minutes later, she was totally nice, as if none of that had happened. this happens a lot, and it's the strangest thing. i don't know if this is because she feels like she succeeded and made me feel bad, or because she herself feels guilty for saying the things she said. i have no idea, all i know is that my response always must be kindness, speaking the truth in gentleness and love.

so that night i am going to sleep and i am frustrated with the Lord about all this. i begin lamenting to him, about how it's been 5 years of this difficult warfare with my parents (i got saved at 18), and it's gotten worse over the years. i was being honest with him, saying that nothing is working, my parents are just getting harder and harder to the truth. i was reminding Him that His word says that we are a city on a hill, a light, that our light inevitably shines in the darkness, and saying, "Lord, it's not working! You said that i'd be a light. well, i am not. They are not changing, they are not seeing Christ in my at all, they're not seeing the light, what is going on?" I was tired - of believing, hoping, trusting, just plain tired of the fight.

2 days later, i'm in a coffee shop reading a book when a Jehovah's Witness approaches me and begins witnessing to me. i didn't mind and decided to talk to him for a little bit, about what i do and my faith. he hands me a book, leaves, and a man seated near me overhears the conversation and asks to see the book. i, in turn, invite him to come sit and chat with me, immediately spotting the witnessing opportunity. he is a Jewish Frenchman from Paris named Serge, and we proceed to speak for 2.5 hours about God. he tells me he's on a journey to find God, he's been visiting synagogues and churches. i tell him my testimony and preach the Gospel to him, about who Jesus is and that he is our hope, joy and peace, which do not exist apart from him. at the end of our conversation, when i am about to leave, you will never believe what he says to me...."irina, there is a beautiful light on your face, and a flame inside of you..." i almost wept....exactly the thing i was complaining to God about 2 days earlier, about there not being light in me...i was taken aback by the Lord's mercy and goodness, to use this unbeliever to confirm to me that yes, His word IS true, there IS light in me, and my parents DO feel and see it....it's just going to take some time for them to admit it...