my contentment level is unstable and fluctuates a lot....i'm talking about in the area of marriage. i'll go for a few month of being really content, not thinking about it at all, or when i do, just feeling total trust in the Lord in an "i-know-it's-gonna-happen-whether-it's-sooner-or-later-God's-timing-is-the-best-and-amazing" kind of way. then i'll hit despair in this area and cry and say, "God why have you forgotten me?" this sounds dramatic, because i'm 23 years old, and it is :) but it's real human emotion that God cares about and treasures. when i feel the latter, it's usually when things are particularly rough with family and i'm feeling the weight of that - their opposition to Christ and what i do. in these times, i feel very alone because i'm lacking the support of those who are supposed to be that consistent, strong support system in a person's life, and i'm not married. i say, "God, if i'm not gonna have my family, at least let me be married so i would have that as a strength to lean on." i'm completely not satisfied. lately, however, i've been very content. nothing has changed - still the same old battle with parents, still no potential husband around - but i feel good! i received a work from a dear friend at ZHOP, an older man who the Lord has used to speak profoundly into my life, and he told me to not be in a rush to get married and to be patient, to enjoy this time of singleness as a time of being molded into who the Lord wants me to be. i received this and began to see singleness as an opportunity to be whole-heartedly devoted to the Lord without distraction, to run hard after Him and press in to know Him with all my might. and when i feel lonely, my reaction can be to push harder into God. i've decided to see singleness as the only chance i get to single-mindedly and undividedly commune with the Lord. i think God has deliberately hidden me because He wants me for Himself :) ultimately, i want to know Christ and want to say yes to whatever it takes for me to know Him as intimately as i can in this life
....so i'm content to be single...for now. who knows what i'll say 3 months down the road.
i love it! i'm so glad to hear you're in a season of contentment :) in some ways i'm there myself...without the same distractions and hearing the Lord wanting to romance me and have me all to Himself. you're wise to enjoy it. but don't worry, i'm still praying for that future husband of yours ;) I LOVE YOU!!
ReplyDeletehaha irina! i told you about my esther year, right? maybe that's why you thought i'd like this. haha i love you. glad to hear you are content :) i am so behind with studying, but let's chat soon. i miss youuu!
ReplyDeleteYou know that's a good post. I am somewhat of an expert on this subject :) There's definately a healthy desire for marriage. But what I have observed is that when the frustration, anger and bitterness set in that the cure is an encounter with the Spirit of adoption. I think sometimes I long for a wife to fulfill what only the Spirit of adoption can. Thus, periods of unhealthy jealousy for marriage are often set off by problems with my parents. Maybe that's what you're saying too? Blessings, Leon
ReplyDeleteWow, this is such a great post. I read in 1 Corinthians 7:34 the other day that an unmarried woman's aim is to be devoted to God in both body and spirit. This is a unique time where we can be undistracted and devoted to him alone. Thank you for your encouragement and for sharing this :)
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