this is a big year for Sudan. we are having elections in April, the first free elections in decades. next January, the Comprehensive Peace Agreement (CPA) erected in 2005 which ended the 20+ year civil wars between the North and South comes to an end, and a referendum will be held to decide whether southern Sudan becomes its own nation. there are many concerns and issues on the table, and it could potentially be a very tense and unstable time.
last Saturday, i taught a Bible study about fasting to about 12 of our older guys and girls (15-25 year olds). God's Spirit was very present. i called all of them to commit to fasting one day per week - for themselves, for intimacy, for their country. there were some questions and some doubt as to whether one could actually fast for 24 hours without dying, which i assured them they could, that they would be weak, but this was the point - to be weak so that God's presence can be stronger. i said that God is raising up a prayer and fasting movement of youth in Sudan, and spoke into them that they are the leaders on this compound and of the Church today. if they do this, the rest will follow, and they will lead the Church in it. the response was an excited and exuberant "yes!" and we chose Fridays as our weekly fasting day.
that Friday, we held our first weekend-long conference (to be written about in a later blog). throughout the morning i was asking around to see whether they were actually fasting. every single one who attended that Bible study was fasting. the overwhelming response to "how is it going? how do you feel?" was "i feel strong. i don't even feel hungry. it's great!" the lunch that day was particularly good too, and none of them ate it. my heart was glad. but it got better. after the afternoon conference session, i walk out of the building on my way back to the compound and see about 10 of our younger kids (10-14 year olds) sitting in the shade with water bottles. i ask them what they're doing, and they say their all fasting and staying far away from the kitchen to not be tempted by the food. my eyes widened and mouth dropped. i hadn't called them to it or even talked to them about fasting every Friday, but they found out and jumped on board. as it turns out, about 30 of our kids fasted that day. our cook came up to jennie and said "what's going on, why is no one eating lunch?" i found out little 4-year old Peter refused his porridge that morning saying he was fasting and ate nothing until noon. my heart was leaping for joy. they kept telling me that they felt strong and God was giving so much grace. they loved it. the next morning, the completion of the fast, i awoke to the boys singing worship songs. jennie (in the bunk above me) says "irina, i have never heard the boys sing in the morning. the girls always do it, but i've never heard the boys." one of them exclaimed "praise God i'm alive!" it was hilarious and so precious and pure. one testified this week that God already answered his fasting and gave him that which he was asking for.
i was overwhelmed by the kids' hunger, faith, perseverance, and love for Jesus. this experience showed me that i don't have to do much. i just have to make the call, hold the Bible study, organize the prayer meeting, essentially say "let's do this" and God will breathe on it. we had a prayer meeting at 5:30pm on the fasting day, to pray for Sudan and for one another. it was so beautiful to see their little hearts crying out for their nation. in the midst of political turmoil and uncertain futures, God will hear these children and respond. the earthly powers-that-be and their strategies are but dust, and our war is not against them anyway. these children, cast off by society and deemed insignificant, are wielding the true weapons of warfare. they are the ones seated with Christ, and they hold true power. the Kingdom belongs to such as these.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
things that make me laugh
here is a sample of Sudanese worship music, 2 of my favorite (hilarious) songs:
1 - "Shake shake shake shake the devil off" (repeat forever)
2 - "Your boyfriend can let you down
Your girlfriend can let you down
The men of this world can let you down but Jesus never fails" (this one cracks me up!)
also, the very small children never wear underwear or diapers (these are practically unheard of) and rarely wear pants, skirts, or really any type of clothing below the waist. twice now when i've held 2 of them on my lap, they've pooped on me, or just wiped themselves on me from previous poops. hahaha! i love the mission field...
1 - "Shake shake shake shake the devil off" (repeat forever)
2 - "Your boyfriend can let you down
Your girlfriend can let you down
The men of this world can let you down but Jesus never fails" (this one cracks me up!)
also, the very small children never wear underwear or diapers (these are practically unheard of) and rarely wear pants, skirts, or really any type of clothing below the waist. twice now when i've held 2 of them on my lap, they've pooped on me, or just wiped themselves on me from previous poops. hahaha! i love the mission field...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
travels and impressions
This week I traveled to a village called Panyana with a couple named John and Poppy Spens, fellow missionaries in Yei with the Anglican church from the UK…whom I love. They are a whacky, hilarious couple who have a beautiful marriage and relationship. (Interjection: we have a Bible study every Sunday at their house for all the missionaries in the area. There are quite a few, about 20, I was surprised. I thought I’d be the only one, along with the other Iris folk, but there’s a great community here. My absolute favorite part about it is that there are several denominations represented, but I have no clue how many is because no one talks about it. No one cares. All that matters is that we all love Jesus. Right now we are going through the book of Ephesians verse by verse. This past Sunday, I led the discussion of Eph. 2:1-10, it was so great. It’s a true picture of the Body of Christ being one. The mission field and the difficulty of the living and working here, the warfare, truly brings the church together. I guess you stop caring about theological and doctrinal differences and just support and love one another). The drive was 2 hours along very bumpy, dusty roads, but fun :). We were there to help with a week-long youth conference. We walked in to joyous African worship, lots of dancing and shouting. That day we hiked up to the mountain there. The view was beautiful and it started to rain!! This is super rare at this time in Sudan, so it is a huge blessing, even though I was freezing (which is better than being sweating hot to the point of wanting to pass out). We worshiped in the rain, under a really flimsy tarp, but Jesus loved it! The next day Poppy and I spoke to the girls (about 40 of them) about, get this….fashion!!! Hahaha! As if I am any authority on this topic…some of you know how I dressed in college Poppy is the same way, she thought it was hilarious. We ended up speaking about modesty in dress and not causing our brothers to stumble, and prayed for some of the girls at the end.
John spoke to the men about the marriage relationship and how to treat wives/women. This topic of men and women, right Biblical relationship, marriage, has come up pretty much every day this week. My eyes have been opened anew to the oppression and terrible treatment of women here. Some of the questions the youth asked were very difficult and point to how drastically different this culture is, but how we must maintain the Biblical standard even if it confronts the whole of society. One was “What if a husband and wife can’t have children? Can the man go and seek another wife?” Because infertility is always the woman’s fault. The answer was no, of course, but this is challenging here because children are a valuable possession (not that they are always treated well, but they are a measurement of one’s success). Another question was “I am a Christian now and have repented, but I have 2 wives from pre-Christian days. What do I do?” We didn’t know the answer to this one, because if he chooses one the other will be out on the street, and how can he choose one? Beating of wives was also addressed, a very common practice here. One the drive back, I noticed mostly women on the roads carrying various loads on their heads – water, straw, bananas. Now I recently tried to place a standard water jug on my head. I swear I thought it was gonna crush my skull. The thing must have weighed 50 lbs. Beira, who was helping me, was laughing and said “African women are stronger than men.” I witnessed the truth of this statement on the drive back, as these women carried these heavy loads. John and Poppy told me they walk back and forth between watering holes and markets for miles every day – to wash clothes, fetch water, sell/buy wares. Essentially, the women do everything – cooking, cleaning, raising children. Often times the men are jobless, so they just sit around because all this is “women’s work”. On top of that, like I said, they are often beaten. Then I got back to the compound and one of the girls told me about an altercation she had with one of the guys about this topic. He was saying men are better than women, because Eve was the reason for sin and Adam was created first. I don’t know if he had been joking or not. He’s a wonderful guy who loves Jesus a lot, but the fact that he could think like this again points to how deep-rooted this mindset is in this culture that it permeates even true God-loving people. She had been upset and I was like, “That’s it, we’re doing a Bible study on this!” Then I’m sitting at breakfast with some of the male staff and we’re talking about malaria (rampant here, everyone’s had it multiple times). The female mosquito carries malaria, and a comment is made “See, women cause trouble!” And they went into how women in positions of authority are so much harsher than men in the same positions. We mostly laughed about it and took it lightly, but I made sure to express the fact that anyone without Jesus is not going to act righteously (I mean look at the presidents of Sudan and the war that had raged for decades) and both men and women have weaknesses and strengths. Yesterday night we did the Bible study with the older kids (I say kids, but some of them are my age), and it was great, I think the best Bible study thus far. It went for about 2 hours, there were many questions and all were attentive. I taught how men and women were equal, how both were at fault in the Fall, and the Biblical marriage relationship/roles of husband and wife (Eph 5). I spoke about the importance of choosing wisely whom you marry, with a lot of prayer and observation of the person’s character, not hastily. We talked very openly and candidly, which was refreshing. The kids want to do another Bible study on this topic, wanting to learn what it means for a man to lead his family, what he must do, etc. I think there was breakthrough, and I am very confident that they will be wonderful husbands and wives.
In light of these issues of female oppression here, I’m starting to get a real heart for the women here, especially our girls. I can see that because of the culture’s treatment of and perception of women as slaves and property, even those who know Jesus are under the yoke of this mindset. They are not confident like the boys are. It is mostly the boys who talk in Bible study, and it’s like pulling teeth trying to get the girls to talk. When I speak to them, a lot of them won’t look me in the eyes. They carry a lot of shame and insecurity. I want to tackle this head on and speak over them their beauty, identity, and purpose. I’m gonna be doing a Bible study with the girls separately and hitting on these things.
Thanks to all of you for reading my blog and praying for me, it means a lot to me :)
John spoke to the men about the marriage relationship and how to treat wives/women. This topic of men and women, right Biblical relationship, marriage, has come up pretty much every day this week. My eyes have been opened anew to the oppression and terrible treatment of women here. Some of the questions the youth asked were very difficult and point to how drastically different this culture is, but how we must maintain the Biblical standard even if it confronts the whole of society. One was “What if a husband and wife can’t have children? Can the man go and seek another wife?” Because infertility is always the woman’s fault. The answer was no, of course, but this is challenging here because children are a valuable possession (not that they are always treated well, but they are a measurement of one’s success). Another question was “I am a Christian now and have repented, but I have 2 wives from pre-Christian days. What do I do?” We didn’t know the answer to this one, because if he chooses one the other will be out on the street, and how can he choose one? Beating of wives was also addressed, a very common practice here. One the drive back, I noticed mostly women on the roads carrying various loads on their heads – water, straw, bananas. Now I recently tried to place a standard water jug on my head. I swear I thought it was gonna crush my skull. The thing must have weighed 50 lbs. Beira, who was helping me, was laughing and said “African women are stronger than men.” I witnessed the truth of this statement on the drive back, as these women carried these heavy loads. John and Poppy told me they walk back and forth between watering holes and markets for miles every day – to wash clothes, fetch water, sell/buy wares. Essentially, the women do everything – cooking, cleaning, raising children. Often times the men are jobless, so they just sit around because all this is “women’s work”. On top of that, like I said, they are often beaten. Then I got back to the compound and one of the girls told me about an altercation she had with one of the guys about this topic. He was saying men are better than women, because Eve was the reason for sin and Adam was created first. I don’t know if he had been joking or not. He’s a wonderful guy who loves Jesus a lot, but the fact that he could think like this again points to how deep-rooted this mindset is in this culture that it permeates even true God-loving people. She had been upset and I was like, “That’s it, we’re doing a Bible study on this!” Then I’m sitting at breakfast with some of the male staff and we’re talking about malaria (rampant here, everyone’s had it multiple times). The female mosquito carries malaria, and a comment is made “See, women cause trouble!” And they went into how women in positions of authority are so much harsher than men in the same positions. We mostly laughed about it and took it lightly, but I made sure to express the fact that anyone without Jesus is not going to act righteously (I mean look at the presidents of Sudan and the war that had raged for decades) and both men and women have weaknesses and strengths. Yesterday night we did the Bible study with the older kids (I say kids, but some of them are my age), and it was great, I think the best Bible study thus far. It went for about 2 hours, there were many questions and all were attentive. I taught how men and women were equal, how both were at fault in the Fall, and the Biblical marriage relationship/roles of husband and wife (Eph 5). I spoke about the importance of choosing wisely whom you marry, with a lot of prayer and observation of the person’s character, not hastily. We talked very openly and candidly, which was refreshing. The kids want to do another Bible study on this topic, wanting to learn what it means for a man to lead his family, what he must do, etc. I think there was breakthrough, and I am very confident that they will be wonderful husbands and wives.
In light of these issues of female oppression here, I’m starting to get a real heart for the women here, especially our girls. I can see that because of the culture’s treatment of and perception of women as slaves and property, even those who know Jesus are under the yoke of this mindset. They are not confident like the boys are. It is mostly the boys who talk in Bible study, and it’s like pulling teeth trying to get the girls to talk. When I speak to them, a lot of them won’t look me in the eyes. They carry a lot of shame and insecurity. I want to tackle this head on and speak over them their beauty, identity, and purpose. I’m gonna be doing a Bible study with the girls separately and hitting on these things.
Thanks to all of you for reading my blog and praying for me, it means a lot to me :)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
[can't think of a title...it's too hot]
Today makes 2 weeks in Sudan. I am learning to rest in God. As I said in my previous post, Michele is currently traveling in the States, therefore I do not have a concrete job here yet. So it's been a lot of nothing to do. This is hard for someone like me, who lives for impact and wants to be spent in this life for the sake of souls and the increase of the Kingdom. My motto is “I will rest in heaven.” God is confronting this mindset. I am not a worker but a lover. My primary identity is not that of missionary or minister, but daughter of God. So I know God is in this. He wants me to just relax, enjoy getting to know the children and spending time with them, even though I often feel like nothing is being accomplished through me doing this. I am bombarded with “But there are so many who need Jesus, so many sick and dying, bound....” Here's that Messiah complex rearing its head. I have to shut these thoughts down and understand that I am truly in His will, exactly where I need to be, and He will make a way for all things.
I went to the hospital the other day with one of the older Iris boys, Edward. It was about a 30 minute walk, but the most grueling 30 minutes ever. The heat here is unbelievable. During the hottest part of the day, in the sun, it's about 105 degrees, and not a cloud in the sky. Even though these are the winter months, they are the hottest because it's the dry season. (When the rains come during the summer months, it cools down). We got there and went to the sick children's ward. The hospital was pretty dilapidated and unsanitary – there was a stray cat lying in the entrance to the kids' ward – but not as bad as I expected. Here in Africa, they let you just walk in, pray, preach, sing...whatever. There aren't the strict rules about visitation rights and privacy we have in the States. So we walk over to the moms sitting with their sick kids and ask to pray for them. There's a general aura of despair in the room, you can see it on the women's faces. Most of the kids have fevers, diarrhea, various symptoms the causes of which are unknown. We would pray for the children and I would ask the moms if they knew Jesus. Most said yes, although some of them may not truly be saved (Christianity is a culture here in southern Sudan where “everyone is saved”). We would pray for the moms as well. Then we walked back, and I pretty much collapsed when I got back to the compound. I have to say the whole thing was just plain hard. Maybe some of those kids will be healed in the next few days, but I did not see any immediate changes when we prayed. I've prayed for lots of sick people and have seen very few actually get healed. I believe God's will is to heal and He wants to use us to do it. Jesus said “Heal the sick,” not “Pray for the sick.” I'm still waiting for this to be true in my life; I'm not sure why God delays or why He doesn't heal everyone we pray for, so I'm a bit discouraged, but I'm not going to stop praying for the sick. Edward leads the small Iris children in a daily devotional, where he has them memorize Scripture. Even the little 3-year olds know John 3:16, 14:6, 3:3, Jeremiah 29:11, and several others by heart. I'm gonna record one of the little girls reciting one of these days, it's the sweetest, most precious thing. Anyways, the kids keep asking him “When are we going to go to the hospital to pray for the sick?” They're getting it – they know who Jesus is and they know who they are in Him. This is totally my heart – to equip and release children in signs and wonders. So I'm gonna work on some schedule/transportation plan to take teams of these kids to the hospital regularly.
A few days ago, Holy Spirit broke out in our kitchen while some of the girls were cooking. They all stopped cooking and started dancing, singing, praising God, for a solid 1.5 hours. Super way delayed, but it was so much fun. Everyone was dancing full force, clothes drenched in sweat by the end of it. It was just the spontaneous rejoicing in Jesus, laughter...so beautiful.
I've got 2 more stories to share. Edward (18) my hospital accomplice, spent several years in a refugee camp during the war. His parents both died from sickness. After the war, he went to live with a step-uncle in Yei who was an alcoholic and drank all the money away. He survived on coconut for one year. He was miserable, hopeless, living in sin, having grown up in a “Christian” family..and then Iris Min took him in and he met Jesus, for real. He was telling me how much suffering he has been through in his life, and that God spoke to him on Friday “The time of suffering is over” and he rejoiced. This kid carried such peace and humility, and his smile is contagious.
There's Tito, an older man and the compound manager. He spent 20 years in a refugee camp. He said there was no work, no school, just plain nothing to do...for 20 years.
Being here is producing a true cry in me of “Come Lord Jesus, return to us.” This world is empty and poor, and Jesus is changing lives today for sure, but there will not be full restoration and an end to all pain until He comes back to us. I long for no more tears, no more sorrow, no more crying, no more pain. Until that day, I am going to set my mind on things above and storm the gates of hell with this Kingdom that is in me.
I went to the hospital the other day with one of the older Iris boys, Edward. It was about a 30 minute walk, but the most grueling 30 minutes ever. The heat here is unbelievable. During the hottest part of the day, in the sun, it's about 105 degrees, and not a cloud in the sky. Even though these are the winter months, they are the hottest because it's the dry season. (When the rains come during the summer months, it cools down). We got there and went to the sick children's ward. The hospital was pretty dilapidated and unsanitary – there was a stray cat lying in the entrance to the kids' ward – but not as bad as I expected. Here in Africa, they let you just walk in, pray, preach, sing...whatever. There aren't the strict rules about visitation rights and privacy we have in the States. So we walk over to the moms sitting with their sick kids and ask to pray for them. There's a general aura of despair in the room, you can see it on the women's faces. Most of the kids have fevers, diarrhea, various symptoms the causes of which are unknown. We would pray for the children and I would ask the moms if they knew Jesus. Most said yes, although some of them may not truly be saved (Christianity is a culture here in southern Sudan where “everyone is saved”). We would pray for the moms as well. Then we walked back, and I pretty much collapsed when I got back to the compound. I have to say the whole thing was just plain hard. Maybe some of those kids will be healed in the next few days, but I did not see any immediate changes when we prayed. I've prayed for lots of sick people and have seen very few actually get healed. I believe God's will is to heal and He wants to use us to do it. Jesus said “Heal the sick,” not “Pray for the sick.” I'm still waiting for this to be true in my life; I'm not sure why God delays or why He doesn't heal everyone we pray for, so I'm a bit discouraged, but I'm not going to stop praying for the sick. Edward leads the small Iris children in a daily devotional, where he has them memorize Scripture. Even the little 3-year olds know John 3:16, 14:6, 3:3, Jeremiah 29:11, and several others by heart. I'm gonna record one of the little girls reciting one of these days, it's the sweetest, most precious thing. Anyways, the kids keep asking him “When are we going to go to the hospital to pray for the sick?” They're getting it – they know who Jesus is and they know who they are in Him. This is totally my heart – to equip and release children in signs and wonders. So I'm gonna work on some schedule/transportation plan to take teams of these kids to the hospital regularly.
A few days ago, Holy Spirit broke out in our kitchen while some of the girls were cooking. They all stopped cooking and started dancing, singing, praising God, for a solid 1.5 hours. Super way delayed, but it was so much fun. Everyone was dancing full force, clothes drenched in sweat by the end of it. It was just the spontaneous rejoicing in Jesus, laughter...so beautiful.
I've got 2 more stories to share. Edward (18) my hospital accomplice, spent several years in a refugee camp during the war. His parents both died from sickness. After the war, he went to live with a step-uncle in Yei who was an alcoholic and drank all the money away. He survived on coconut for one year. He was miserable, hopeless, living in sin, having grown up in a “Christian” family..and then Iris Min took him in and he met Jesus, for real. He was telling me how much suffering he has been through in his life, and that God spoke to him on Friday “The time of suffering is over” and he rejoiced. This kid carried such peace and humility, and his smile is contagious.
There's Tito, an older man and the compound manager. He spent 20 years in a refugee camp. He said there was no work, no school, just plain nothing to do...for 20 years.
Being here is producing a true cry in me of “Come Lord Jesus, return to us.” This world is empty and poor, and Jesus is changing lives today for sure, but there will not be full restoration and an end to all pain until He comes back to us. I long for no more tears, no more sorrow, no more crying, no more pain. Until that day, I am going to set my mind on things above and storm the gates of hell with this Kingdom that is in me.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
it feels good to be in Africa
From the moment I touched land in Uganda on my long (4-day) journey to Sudan, I felt good. I flew Kansas City – San Francisco – Dubai (where I spent 12 hours) – Entebbe (2 days in a hotel because 1 airline flies to Yei, Sudan and only 3 days/week) – Yei. It was a tiring journey, but I knew it would be. There was a lot of favor with baggage, and no troubles along the way...save a marriage proposal from a Muslim man, in full garb, in Dubai. It was comical, and annoying...I just told him Jesus loved Him. I was excited and nervous the whole way here. I was taking a massive leap – moving to a foreign land, where I knew no one and nothing, but I had a solid assurance that this was God. I have now been here one week, and it feels a lot longer than that, but at the same time not longer at all. Some of the kids are teaching me the language, which is Juba Arabic (a simple Arabic spoken in south Sudan). The older children and adults who've received schooling know English, but the younger ones and many adults do not. I know a few phrases, some verbs, and can form simple sentences, but I understand very little when spoke to. They keep telling me not to be discouraged, that I will learn in a few months. The Iris Ministries compound is beautiful. It is a 40-acre piece of property on the edge of the town of Yei...a huge field, basically. Most of it is yet to be developed. The children all live in small houses, about 12 to a house (we currently have 90 kids). There's a kitchen, an office, a well, and a primary school.
I love it here. It has been a struggle, too. Michele (director) is traveling in the States until the beginning of February, so I don't have an official job as of yet. This means I don't have anything really to do all day. This is hard for someone like me, who likes to be put to work and feel useful. But it's given me the opportunity to spend time with the children, to get to know them and talk to them. Many of the younger kids are a little afraid/shy around me. I'm still a stranger to them, and they haven't seen many white people in their day. Some of them will come up to me and poke at my skin, wide-eyed.
The kids' stories are incredible, revealing how cruel the world can be and how beautiful and powerful Jesus is. Many of them do not know their age, and most (if not all) have no idea on what month they were born. Let me introduce my friend Kafi. He is 26 and still in school because the war disrupted all education. He was born into a devout Muslim family, 8 siblings, all of whom are Muslim to this day. His father died when he was young of sickness, his mother was taken as a slave to Khartoum during the war. she returned after several years, only to be beaten to death before his eyes. He met Jesus through a man who was doing outreaches in his area (Nuba Mountains) and returned with this man to Iris Ministries. He said he was so heartbroken, but when Jesus came, his heart was healed. He loves Jesus so much, and refused to deny Him when pressured by his family. He is one of the kindest people i have ever met, so gentle and meek. It is evidence that the Lord has truly met him and transformed his heart.
Then there's Safari, who had a dream when he was 5 years old of a man dressed in white robes. The dream was in English, which he did not speak at the time, so he couldn't understand it. God is funny the way He works sometimes. It was years later when someone explained the dream to him that he got saved.
There's Justin (25) who is Congolese and grew up in the midst of the war in Congo, fleeing to various bordering countries. He had a dream where Jesus came to him and asked him what he wanted; he said he wanted the war to end and to know God. He woke up surprised because in real life, he had no desire to know God and had even attended church disinterested. But this dream piqued his interest, and he gave his life to Jesus.
There's Pamela (14) who was abducted by the LRA, escaped, and lived outside with no food or shelter for days. Someone found her and brought her to Iris Ministries.
All the kids have stories like this, meeting Jesus either through dreams or divine appointments with people who God used to rescue them. I can so vividly see how much the Lord loves us through these kids and their stories. In spite of all they have been through, unimaginable pain, they know that they know that God is good and loves them. For He truly has healed their hearts; it's tangible to them.
My favorite part of the day is evening devotions. We gather in the center of the compound, under the open sky, with sticks and empty plastic water containers for instruments, and worship the Lord. The drumming is astonishingly rhythmic (it's in their blood) and the singing is beautiful, the smallest to the oldest lifting up a song of love to their Savior. After 20-30 minutes of worship, the group breaks out into prayer. Most of the children go to their knees, in the dirt, and cry out to God, for a solid 10 minutes.
I am learning the simplicity of faith here. The Bible means what it says - He comes to bind up the broken-hearted, to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim liberty to the captives. And He REALLY does it. The heart being set free is a real thing, it's not just something we Christians invent to make ourselves feel better, a crutch. if someone who has lost both parents, witness horrendous atrocities, can smile and laugh and rejoice and say God is good...He truly is able to reach into our hearts and heal us.
I love it here. It has been a struggle, too. Michele (director) is traveling in the States until the beginning of February, so I don't have an official job as of yet. This means I don't have anything really to do all day. This is hard for someone like me, who likes to be put to work and feel useful. But it's given me the opportunity to spend time with the children, to get to know them and talk to them. Many of the younger kids are a little afraid/shy around me. I'm still a stranger to them, and they haven't seen many white people in their day. Some of them will come up to me and poke at my skin, wide-eyed.
The kids' stories are incredible, revealing how cruel the world can be and how beautiful and powerful Jesus is. Many of them do not know their age, and most (if not all) have no idea on what month they were born. Let me introduce my friend Kafi. He is 26 and still in school because the war disrupted all education. He was born into a devout Muslim family, 8 siblings, all of whom are Muslim to this day. His father died when he was young of sickness, his mother was taken as a slave to Khartoum during the war. she returned after several years, only to be beaten to death before his eyes. He met Jesus through a man who was doing outreaches in his area (Nuba Mountains) and returned with this man to Iris Ministries. He said he was so heartbroken, but when Jesus came, his heart was healed. He loves Jesus so much, and refused to deny Him when pressured by his family. He is one of the kindest people i have ever met, so gentle and meek. It is evidence that the Lord has truly met him and transformed his heart.
Then there's Safari, who had a dream when he was 5 years old of a man dressed in white robes. The dream was in English, which he did not speak at the time, so he couldn't understand it. God is funny the way He works sometimes. It was years later when someone explained the dream to him that he got saved.
There's Justin (25) who is Congolese and grew up in the midst of the war in Congo, fleeing to various bordering countries. He had a dream where Jesus came to him and asked him what he wanted; he said he wanted the war to end and to know God. He woke up surprised because in real life, he had no desire to know God and had even attended church disinterested. But this dream piqued his interest, and he gave his life to Jesus.
There's Pamela (14) who was abducted by the LRA, escaped, and lived outside with no food or shelter for days. Someone found her and brought her to Iris Ministries.
All the kids have stories like this, meeting Jesus either through dreams or divine appointments with people who God used to rescue them. I can so vividly see how much the Lord loves us through these kids and their stories. In spite of all they have been through, unimaginable pain, they know that they know that God is good and loves them. For He truly has healed their hearts; it's tangible to them.
My favorite part of the day is evening devotions. We gather in the center of the compound, under the open sky, with sticks and empty plastic water containers for instruments, and worship the Lord. The drumming is astonishingly rhythmic (it's in their blood) and the singing is beautiful, the smallest to the oldest lifting up a song of love to their Savior. After 20-30 minutes of worship, the group breaks out into prayer. Most of the children go to their knees, in the dirt, and cry out to God, for a solid 10 minutes.
I am learning the simplicity of faith here. The Bible means what it says - He comes to bind up the broken-hearted, to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim liberty to the captives. And He REALLY does it. The heart being set free is a real thing, it's not just something we Christians invent to make ourselves feel better, a crutch. if someone who has lost both parents, witness horrendous atrocities, can smile and laugh and rejoice and say God is good...He truly is able to reach into our hearts and heal us.
Friday, January 15, 2010
update from dubai
well, i'm on my way! i'm in dubai international airport right now. it took about 15 hours to get here, and i've been here for 12 hours, ahhh! i'm pretty tired, and dirty, and still have a 2-day journey ahead of me before i land in Sudan. but i am spending 2 days in a hotel in a uganda, which will be more restful. i do just want to get there and get going. right now, i'm in the nervous stage because it's all so unknown. i don't know what it's like to be in Sudan, to work for Iris Ministries, i don't know the staff or their personalities, i don't even know what the mission base looks like. i'm having to trust God right now that there will be a place for me there, that i'll be a fit. i am preparing myself to encounter some culture shock, to miss the US and be sad, and to understand that this is all emotion and it will pass. i know i will need time to adjust. but there is nothing else i would rather be doing right now. i am so grateful to the Lord that i get to have this calling.
my friend said this to me in an email a while ago: "in this life we experience pain, suffering, sorrow, but this is not the place we LIVE in." i am learning to not live in the place of suffering. it's easy for me to get stuck there because of my familial situation, and the road i feel is marked out before me, but pain is NOT my portion. the struggle is NOT my portion. it is joy and Jesus. the Lord revealed to me some Father heart issues that i have over my time at home and back at ihop. i don't have an understanding of God as a good Father who loves to give good gifts. when i envision Him, i can't picture Him hurting when i am persecuted. i know He is with me, i can feel that, but i view it more as Him allowing the persecution and sitting with me, comforting me through it. but it actually hurts Him to see it, He hates when His children suffer. i don't comprehend this. so i've been praying for a revelation of the Father's love, and also asking for joy. as Jesus called us blessed to be persecuted, to suffer for His Name's sake, it means there's great joy available in this place, and i haven't been able to tap into it.
these are my prayer requests as i go to Sudan, knowing that there are real hard times ahead in ministry, but pressing in to understand the Father's heart for me, that NOTHING can separate me from Him love, and that neither good nor bad are my portion....JESUS is.
my friend said this to me in an email a while ago: "in this life we experience pain, suffering, sorrow, but this is not the place we LIVE in." i am learning to not live in the place of suffering. it's easy for me to get stuck there because of my familial situation, and the road i feel is marked out before me, but pain is NOT my portion. the struggle is NOT my portion. it is joy and Jesus. the Lord revealed to me some Father heart issues that i have over my time at home and back at ihop. i don't have an understanding of God as a good Father who loves to give good gifts. when i envision Him, i can't picture Him hurting when i am persecuted. i know He is with me, i can feel that, but i view it more as Him allowing the persecution and sitting with me, comforting me through it. but it actually hurts Him to see it, He hates when His children suffer. i don't comprehend this. so i've been praying for a revelation of the Father's love, and also asking for joy. as Jesus called us blessed to be persecuted, to suffer for His Name's sake, it means there's great joy available in this place, and i haven't been able to tap into it.
these are my prayer requests as i go to Sudan, knowing that there are real hard times ahead in ministry, but pressing in to understand the Father's heart for me, that NOTHING can separate me from Him love, and that neither good nor bad are my portion....JESUS is.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
reflections - family and derek loux's passing
well i haven't been here in some time, i don't know what to talk about. much has happened, not in the sense of events, but in the sense of thoughts, questions, lessons, challenges...home is tough. my eyes are always opened to something new when i visit - a new lesson from the Lord (usually revolving around humility, boldness, and loving those who persecute you), new brokenness in my family members' lives. but mostly i am flat out confused when i'm here. not "why is this happening to me"..that's easy - Jesus said the world would hate us because we're of Him; Paul called it the fellowship of His suffering (Phil 3); he says that it's been granted to us on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him but also to suffer for His sake (Phil 1); Peter tells us to not be surprised when we're persecuted, as if something strange were happening, for that to this we were called, because Christ suffered for us and left us an example to follow in His steps (1 Peter 3, 4). i could go on and on, but the point is if you follow Jesus, those who don't are gonna hate you for it, and these ones happen to be my family. my confusion is how do i act, what do i do, when do i keep silent and when do i speak truth. i've wrestled with so much condemnation because i never know whether the way i behaved/what i said in the last moment was the right thing or not, and when i fail, i feel the fear that now they're never gonna get saved because i'm a poor witness of Jesus. God's bringing me to a place where i completely let go of all control (a big struggle for me), where i stop analyzing and over-analyzing every move i make and rest in the freedom that even if i do everything wrong, God is moving upon their hearts...because He wants them saved more than i do, and He doesn't need my help. i need to stop diminishing His power down to my abilities and see that He's a lot better at what He does than i am, and stronger than my weakest weakness. so i've said, "God, i don't know how You're gonna do this, but i commit them into Your hands, and trust Your ways."
another permanent contemplation of these past few weeks has been the death of a man who restored hope to me - Derek Loux. he was a leader at ihop and died in a car accident Dec 23, leaving behind a wife and 10 children (8 adopted). i'm not gonna go into all he was and did at ihop, but his main mark was pure and undefiled religion - caring for the orphan and challenging the Body to do the same. he preached a message of adoption and the Father's heart - our identity as sons and the calling upon the Church to adopt and help the orphan. he spoke at a conference we held at zhop in '08. i wept the whole time because i realized it was actually possible to be a missionary and adopt children (costs minimum $10,000 per child), to just be crazy and take them in one after the other, that if you say yes first then God brings the money in. he was living proof that God was raising up fathers and mothers after His heart. and then he just dies, in a seemingly senseless way. i couldn't/still can't understand why, when there are so few fathers and so few who say yes to this call of loving the orphan, God would raise one up and take Him away from us...and was it God who let him go, or did the enemy steal him from us. i can't understand why God would provide a father for 8 orphans only to leave them fatherless again. i can't understand why a man who was so influential in stirring the Church to adopt and had so much more stirring ahead of him would be snatched so tragically and suddenly. i grieve with the Loux family.
that's what i feel, here's what i know. Jesus is good. Jesus weeps with us over the earth's loss. His ways are just and true. the other theological questions we shouldn't even entertain because we're not gonna figure it out anyway. one day (soon) it will be clear. John 12:24 says "if a seed goes into the ground and dies, it bears much fruit", no matter the manner of death. God's gonna multiply Derek's life and use his death to cause thousands of fathers to arise and tens of thousands of orphans to be brought into the Kingdom. those 10 children he had are not fatherless, because through Derek they have come to know the Father Himself. they will never be orphans. and most importantly, there is a day in the ever so near future when He will dry every tear, and He gives abundant grace until that day.
please visit www.randybohlender.com for an excellent article putting to words the emotions surrounding this situation. also see www.josiahfund.org to read and donate to Derek's vision.
in conclusion, a lot has been reeling in my mind, a lot more than usual. even though i have many questions, i feel a strange clarity. not a clarity that comes in the form of answers, but a clarity that comes from the presence of Jesus, a clarity in the Spirit. i don't know what or why or how, but i feel His nearness, and so i have peace that it's all ok.
another permanent contemplation of these past few weeks has been the death of a man who restored hope to me - Derek Loux. he was a leader at ihop and died in a car accident Dec 23, leaving behind a wife and 10 children (8 adopted). i'm not gonna go into all he was and did at ihop, but his main mark was pure and undefiled religion - caring for the orphan and challenging the Body to do the same. he preached a message of adoption and the Father's heart - our identity as sons and the calling upon the Church to adopt and help the orphan. he spoke at a conference we held at zhop in '08. i wept the whole time because i realized it was actually possible to be a missionary and adopt children (costs minimum $10,000 per child), to just be crazy and take them in one after the other, that if you say yes first then God brings the money in. he was living proof that God was raising up fathers and mothers after His heart. and then he just dies, in a seemingly senseless way. i couldn't/still can't understand why, when there are so few fathers and so few who say yes to this call of loving the orphan, God would raise one up and take Him away from us...and was it God who let him go, or did the enemy steal him from us. i can't understand why God would provide a father for 8 orphans only to leave them fatherless again. i can't understand why a man who was so influential in stirring the Church to adopt and had so much more stirring ahead of him would be snatched so tragically and suddenly. i grieve with the Loux family.
that's what i feel, here's what i know. Jesus is good. Jesus weeps with us over the earth's loss. His ways are just and true. the other theological questions we shouldn't even entertain because we're not gonna figure it out anyway. one day (soon) it will be clear. John 12:24 says "if a seed goes into the ground and dies, it bears much fruit", no matter the manner of death. God's gonna multiply Derek's life and use his death to cause thousands of fathers to arise and tens of thousands of orphans to be brought into the Kingdom. those 10 children he had are not fatherless, because through Derek they have come to know the Father Himself. they will never be orphans. and most importantly, there is a day in the ever so near future when He will dry every tear, and He gives abundant grace until that day.
please visit www.randybohlender.com for an excellent article putting to words the emotions surrounding this situation. also see www.josiahfund.org to read and donate to Derek's vision.
in conclusion, a lot has been reeling in my mind, a lot more than usual. even though i have many questions, i feel a strange clarity. not a clarity that comes in the form of answers, but a clarity that comes from the presence of Jesus, a clarity in the Spirit. i don't know what or why or how, but i feel His nearness, and so i have peace that it's all ok.
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