I’ve been thinking a lot about my passion for justice. I never
realized how fired up I get about injustice until this last year. I thought everyone
was like that, but I’m realizing I’m a little feistier than most, and I think
that’s because God has knit justice deeply into my core make-up. Truth is, I turn
into a different person when faced with situations of corruption,
unrighteousness, those in power taking advantage of the poor and those whom
they are meant to protect and support. Something goes off in me (or switches
on), and I am fearless. I don’t care if I get beaten, I don’t care if I go to
jail, I don’t care if I get told off. But it’s not always a good thing. Often,
reasoning and rational thinking pretty much go out the window, and I usually
don’t realize until I’m out of the situation that “oh, it probably was not
wisdom to tell off that officer who’s incompetent and trigger-happy”.
I’ve been having lots of issues with my visa. Immigration
rules have been changed (again), and only 1-month visas are now issued in Yei,
for $100. This is completely impractical and way too costly for those of us
living here long-term, so I’ve been trying to fight for a 6-month or 1-year
visa. The thing is, 6-month visas are issued at the South Sudan Embassy in
Kampala, Uganda no problem. So it is pretty evidently corruption that is going
on here, taking advantage of foreigners (who are “rich”, of course) and
pocketing their cash. I got a letter from the commissioner of Yei, a very
respected, powerful authority figure (who’s one of the only honorable leaders I’ve
met in this country) endorsing my request for an extended visa. That took many
trips down to his office, and many hours of waiting, but I finally got it. I’ve
been down to the immigration offices countless times, but the director hasn’t
been around. He’s in the capital, and nobody really knows what he’s doing or
when he’s coming back. On the one day I caught him before he left on his trip,
he didn’t arrive to work until 2pm, and I had sat there for 4 hours. While I was
there, I noticed the staff doing a lot of nothing. Most of them mostly sit
around on most days.
All this is so frustrating. It really makes my blood
boil, how such irresponsibility and corruption is not only permissible, but
normal and accepted as the standard. Everything in me wants to tell these guys
off, to let them know how ridiculous they are. I did that once, actually, in
one of those fired up moments where my mouth was detached from my brain and the
realization caught up with me later of what I had actually said. I was ripped
off, told I had to pay some foreigner fee and write my name down in a scraggly
notebook, and I told the officer that he may get away with this now and no one
has power to do anything about it, but God sees, and he would answer to Him one
day. That really infuriated him, and I was glad to get out of there in one
piece.
I know that my passion for justice is something God put
inside of me. But I think God is helping me in becoming less reactionary, wiser
in my words and actions, vocalizing truth boldly, but in wisdom and with mercy
in my heart. I know there’s a way to fight for justice that is merciful. Mercy
and justice are not self-exclusive and separate entities on opposite ends of
the spectrum. God is 100% both, all the time, and so they co-exist and are
intimately intertwined together. The challenge, for me, is to learn how to
operate in both, to emulate the heart and behavior of Christ. That doesn’t mean
laying down and just taking it. Jesus did turn over tables and confront
behaviors and attitudes in leaders that were unjust. But He did it without
vehemence in His heart. I think that’s the challenge for me – to maintain mercy
toward the one executing injustice.
So I’m learning. But in the mean time, please visit me if
I end up in prison J.
