God is my portion

when it comes to the things of God, i have a zeal for authenticity. i resist hype, exaggeration, us trying to help God out because it seems like what He does in and of Himself is not "cool" enough, impressive enough, and doesn't make for a good enough story. as i am here in africa, i want to be real. i want to tell the truth - the good, the bad, and the ugly, the nitty gritty, if you will, the times when things work and they don't. many people think, as did i, that africa, or ministry among the poor in general = non stop salvation, healings, power of God coming down all the time. but it's not glory all the time. there are very real challenges, disappointments, times when nothing happens, no one gets healed, no one shows up. not that we settle for that. we don't focus on it or allow it to weigh us down. we always contend for fullness, for more. but i don't want to promote a false understanding or encourage a lie that we're just walking on water here and everyone is hungry and it's glory all the time. i don't want to only tell the glory stories. and i don't want to exaggerate what God does because i am undermining His power and His wisdom then, and thereby implying he's not right in the way that he chooses to move because it doesn't cause people to "ooohh and aaahh" and praise me.

i've had some Bible studies and prayer meetings recently that weren't all that great, let's put it that way. the kids were disengaged and looked bored. there just wasn't much on it. i know God is always there and always comes when we call, please understand i'm not questioning or denying this fact. but we all know that sometimes, the anointing is just not there or He doesn't show up as strong.

2 things i know. i am going to contend. i want to see the Acts 2 signs and wonders, especially people being convicted at the preaching of the Gospel (which, contrary to popular belief, does not happen automatically here.) i want to see the spirit of repentance fall and people hit the ground weeping as they rend their hearts. i also know that God is my portion. at the end of a day when everyone gets saved, people are healed, etc, i go to bed saying "This is not my portion, You are". and at the end of another day when no one gets saved and there's no anointing on anything, etc. you lie down and say the same thing. your identity is not what God does through you, but who you are - a son, a lover of Jesus. and so you're completely satisfied and content no matter what happens, or doesn't. this is what i'm learning.