Jesus WEEPS

My friend sent me a text with this quote: "A Christian is someone who shares the sufferings of God in the world" (Dietrich Bonhoeffer). He was a German pastor under Hitler's regime and one of very few Christians who condemned the dictator's persecution of the Jews. He died in prison for attempting to assassinate Hitler, something he felt the Lord call him to and wrestled with as he was a pacifist and peacemaker. He eventually drew the analogy of a shooter walking into a classroom saying he was going to kill all the students. Wouldn't you as the teacher shoot the shooter? All that to say, Bonhoeffer knew what he was talking about in terms of suffering.

I love this quote because it indicates that God suffers. Jesus Christ is no longer in an earthly body, feeling and seeing what we see and feel. He's no longer on the cross, experiencing the weight of every sin and every pain we've ever had. He is risen. But God still suffers. He still experiences pain over human daily suffering. His heart still cries. A woman named Jennifer Miller had an encounter where God took her to a room in His house called the Weeping Room. He told her He spent most of His time there and asked if she was sure she wanted to go in. She said, "I want to be where You are." The room is furnished with only a chair, where Jesus sits and watches scene after scene of human suffering - children being abused, starvation, poverty, death, disease. She sees tears streaming down the Lord's face. Jesus still weeps.

Do we want to be where He is? Philippians 1:29 says "For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him but also to suffer for His sake..." To be like Christ, our master, to follow Him, means to sit with the poor, share in their pain, and not turn a blind eye to it because it hurts too much (and when I say "poor," I don't mean just materially, because you can be monetarily rich but very oppressed and depressed, and thereby poor). You are called to feel it, because Christ does...right now. He dwells among the broken. Do you want to be where He is...?

tribute to Cambridge

i was in durham this past weekend and got to spend time with some good friends from Cambridge (the ministry i was in in college). like always, i had a wonderful time. like always, i barely slept because christie and i stayed up hours into the night talking and laughing. i encountered generosity, goofiness, sincere encouragement, devotion to Jesus, and real brotherly love...just like old times. new inside jokes were formed, memories revisited. christian payed for dinner thursday night. brennen handed me a $100 dollar bill the same night (which i thought was a $20 until i actually looked at it much later). both touched my heart to the point of tears with their encouraging words about zhop's closure. pastor john and martha atkins payed for breakfast saturday morning, expressing such joy about my move to Sudan it made me more excited. i went to lunch with andrea and was deeply inspired by her strength. rollan gave me the best, most loving hug at church. christie and kenesha drove me everywhere! i cooked rice and burned it (typical) and stunk up christie's place. she looked up remedies to burnt pots online, and we spent the next day boiling salt and baking soda...stinking up the place yet again. i got to laugh heartily, talk about problems and struggles, revel in God's work in us. these are true friendships - where you go from discussing end times to sharing your heart in God to laughing about being gassy from eating too much beans, all in one conversation.

every reunion between 2+ Cambridge folk is just like old times...even though years have passed and so much life and growth has happened, nothing's changed between us. when we're together, we're the same silly kids who were crazy for God in college and did ridiculous things. our stories, testimonies, experiences are written in eternity. maybe we'll sit around the big screen up there and watch the DVD with God. maybe we'll even live in the same neighborhood in heaven.

to all my Cambridge-ites...you know who you are, you are more than friends to me. you are my family, and i look forward to spending eternity with you.

"Your ways are perfect" - ZHOP's completion

as I said in my August newsletter, ZHOP is closing. this announcement was made about 1 month ago. Greg Burnett, the man who was going to be taking over leadership from Kirk (who was moving to IHOP) declared confidently that he was not the person for this job and did not have the grace from the Lord to do it. all the staff understood and knew it was the Lord. He was saying, "You're done here, well done, assignment complete." but that didn't make it any easier. the day it was announced, i wept bitterly, and for the next 2 days as well. i am moving to Sudan in January, and the closing of ZHOP meant i was losing my home. since then we've been through a roller coaster ride of emotions. for most staff, this is liken to a job transfer, and as the whole leadership team is moving to IHOP Kansas City, so now are most staff. it's different for the community - people with full-time jobs for whom ZHOP is their church. most are not making a move to KC, so they are experiencing a lot of pain and grief over the loss of ZHOP. one man put it this way - "the reason i'm so hurt is because i am so grateful for this place. it has changed my family's life." it has been nothing less than painful to walk through this for everyone.

i am making the move to IHOP. the family i live with, Tom and Hilary Lacy, invited me to move with them (the night we got the announcement and i was destroyed because i didn't know where to go between now and January. it brought instant peace and security). the biggest burden we now have is selling 8 houses (families rent houses from one owner and house singles as well). i think i am alright now. i am looking forward to resting at IHOP. it's been hard the last few months here, being a shift leader and worship leader. i've heard the prayer room at IHOP is amazing - you sit down and are immediately sucked into heaven. that'll be really nice.

i decided to not try to figure out why this happened, all the spiritual reasons. none of us will know until the age to come why the Lord did this, and then it will make sense and we'll say, "Your ways are perfect."

dreams, pain, waiting

we held our annual Holy Revolution conference this weekend at zhop. corey russell from ihop-kc and jake hamilton from refuge house of prayer came to speak/lead worship. it was definitely powerful (if you've heard corey speak, you know it's dynamic and convicting). corey said one phrase that made me weep. he said, "the pain you feel in your heart over the desires God has put in you [them being yet unfulfilled] is your gift from Him, because it causes you to wrestle with him for the fulfillment of those desires." God puts these dreams in us, sometimes things so unexpected we know they must be from Him, and then He makes us....wait....to make us ready to handle the dream when it comes. we think if the dream is righteous, God's dream, something for the sake of the Kingdom alone, then we should see it fulfilled right away. God knows better. i think a dream too quickly partaken of becomes a nightmare, because you don't have the character, strength of heart, steadfastness of faith necessary to walk it out. even so, there's real pain over dreams and desires yet unrealized, tucked away in your heart, where God stokes the flame of these desires, sometimes making it even more painful to wait. but the pain is actually a good thing, because it means you're not apathetic about walking out God's purposes in your life. if you feel pain, you're going to contend and cry out for them to come to pass - a key factor to their fulfillment. so i'll be grateful for the dreams, for the pain, and for the waiting.

Breakthrough is...

One of my favorite quotes, by Heidi Baker, is "Jesus died so that there would always be enough." She wrote a book called "Always Enough: God's Provision Among the Poorest Children on Earth" where she recounts incredible testimonies - no money in the bank account and 300 people to feed, and all the money coming in at the needed time, food being multiplied. She had an open vision where she saw a sea of children before her, thousands and thousands. Jesus was asking her to feed them and she was screaming, "No, no! There's too many! I can't take them all!" Jesus said, "Look into my eyes. I died so that there would always be enough." She finds bread and wine in her hand and begins handing it out to the children one by one, and the elements multiply as she is handing them out and everyone eats!

Another profound quote is from Kirk Bennett, in relation to finances and provision. He always says, "Breakthrough is not when you have all the finances you need. Breakthrough is when you are not afraid." This is so true. We always pray for financial breakthrough, which is legitimate, but the real breakthrough is when you have rent and bills to pay and don't have the money yet and there is no fear, no unbelief, no anxiety in your heart. A deeper, greater breakthrough than that of your circumstance is the one of your heart.

I want this kind of breakthrough - freedom from fear and unbelief. It's why the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, "...they could not enter in [to rest] because of unbelief" (Hebr. 3:19). No matter how many times they saw God provide, the next situation where they needed to trust Him, their faith failed them. We are no different today. This seems to be one of our greatest weaknesses as believers. I am repenting for my faithless heart and contending for the breakthrough, making progress for sure :)

psalm 91

i was telling a friend recently, an older woman who is becoming a spiritual mom to me (she ministered in the inner city for 10 years. when i heard this, i said, "we need to talk. tell me your story"), how i have been feeling anxious about finances. i know the Lord has called me, that i am doing what He wants me to do, but getting my brain to align with what i know so strongly in my spirit is the challenge. our minds are always the battle field. God says to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things (speaking of food, clothes, shelter) will be added to us (Matthew 6:33). i read these beautiful, freeing words and experience tangible peace, but then my logic clicks into gear and i try to perceive this in the natural and it seems so impossible...i feel the anxiety creeping in, and the peace leaves.

so this woman told me what she does - she reads psalm 91. it says "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God in Him i will trust. Surely He will deliver me from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence; He shall cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will take refuge...." as she was reciting this from memory, i was feeling the weight of God's presence, as was she. i decided to do as she does, verbally speak this psalm over myself, repeat it over and over and ponder the words, visualize the text. i also decided to stop looking at financial circumstances in the natural, thinking of all the money i have to raise, how impossible it seems, etc, and to just do what i need to do - call people, make appointments, go through all the steps - and not dwell on, "how is this going to work out?" i decided to deliberately disengage my mind from my actions, and the whole time look at Jesus and His words to me. when i set my eyes on the heavenly realm where He dwells, i literally feel 100% faith in my heart. when i go up there, i feel, "of course God's gonna do this, no questions asked. it wouldn't make sense for Him not to?"

so here's the 2 keys - reading Scripture out loud, so your own ears can hear it, and by all the force of your will, looking up.

overwhelmed

there's a song by Hillsong United called "To Know Your Name" (search it on youtube, it's amazing) and one of the lines is "Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness..." I was worshiping to this song and began weeping at this line. I visualized our brokenness and His grace overtaking it, completely covering it up to where you can't see it anymore. 1 Peter 4:8 came to mind - "...love will cover a multitude of sins." I immediately understood what it meant. it's His love literally covering our sins, imagine a blanket, to where you can't see them anymore, they don't exist in His eyes. His great love for us causes our sins to be invisible. it's more than sins too - it's all our struggles, pains, anxieties, failures....our brokenness. in the context of this song, His grace - His enabling ability, His power and mercy - completely overtakes these things and makes them go away. i was weeping because i could feel it, His grace coming at that moment, descending upon my stresses and doubts, and overwhelming them...they disappear.

(comment please :) )