feet

i look at people's feet. i actually think feet are pretty gross, maybe that's why i notice them. there's a big difference between Sudanese feet and American feet. children as young as 2 already have hard soles. even when they have shoes, like our kids do, they don't like to wear them. by contrast, kids this age in the States have soft, smooth feet. adults' feet are permanently hardened and heels are cracked. elderly persons' feet are irreversibly cracked and wrinkled by a lifetime of exposure to intense sun. it seems like no matter how much they are washed, there's a permanent layer of irremovable dirt. i understand this, as i've only been here 3 months and my feet never seem to get totally clean no matter how hard i scrub. it's not washing habits, it's the constant dust and dirt and sun.

you can tell a lot about someone by looking at their feet. the Sudanese walk everywhere, the sun is hot, and the dust is ever-present. i think feet reveal a lot about culture, standard of living, and the life one has had to live. Sudanese feet speak of poverty, but also perseverance and hard work. you can see years of toil and persistence in the face of extreme struggle. you can see hope too. their feet are beautiful.

precious Monica

every Saturday, pastor John Sebit, myself, and many of the children have been going to the local markets on outreach. we'll stand in the back of our huge truck, sing worship songs, and preach the Gospel. several weeks ago, an elderly woman came forward for prayer. her name is Monica, and she explained her suffering to us. she is sick and has no money for food or medicine. she lives alone. sometimes, her nephews come and force her to cook for them. she was asking for prayer saying, "please pray that Jesus would help me to die soon and in peace." she had no hope and no desire to live anymore. we prayed and she showed me where she lives. i told her i would come visit her. i could not get her out of my mind for the next few days and decided that we were going to help her.

the next week, Kizito, Justin, and i visited Monica. she told us that just the previous day, her nephew had hung himself, because his father (Monica's brother) had refused to pay the bride price on a certain woman this young man wanted to marry. her other nephew, upon whose property she resides, had been communicating that he wants to rent out this land and warning her that she needed to get out and find another place to live. she relayed to us the pain and fear in her heart, the permanence of their presence. i explained to her that we were going to help her financially and wanted to pray for her. we layed hands, i prayed and sang over her. afterward, she said she felt the heaviness leaving her.

we returned several days later to give her some money. the Lord did an amazing thing in that short interval. some of her family spoke to her nephew who had been threatening to kick her off of his property. they rebuked him for his behavior, reminding him that Monica had cared for him as for her own son. he was convicted by their words, came to her, and begged for forgiveness. he is no longer forcing her to leave. i was amazed at the Lord's goodness and speed of action. we prayed for her again. she asked us to please keep coming back, saying Jesus had sent us to her. she said every time we come and pray, she feels more and more of the fear break off.

to quote our ever-wise Abuba, "Surely, He takes care of the widows..."

Jesus loves children

for the past few weeks, i've been driving over to the local primary school and preaching to the students. last year, some of our fiery girls asked the headmaster (principal) if they could have one class period for prayers, worship, and preaching. he was a Muslim but granted their request, and they ended up leading him to Jesus. sometime afterward, he passed away. truly, the Lord was merciful to him. this year, the new headmaster, a true loves of Jesus, permitted the program to continue and was excited about me coming every week to speak to the children. so every wednesday, we gather as many as want to come under the mango tree, worship, and I share a short message. the whole exploit is by no means orderly and organized. there's kids everywhere, talking, pushing each other, some climbing the tree, staring at me. it's kind of a chaotic mess :) i wonder if they are even hearing what i am saying or if they are just coming because i'm white and it's something new and fascinating for them. (most of them have not seen many, if any, white people in their lifetimes). often i feel that this is accomplishing nothing. but i feel the presence of the Lord during worship. i close my eyes and actually get lost in it, which is hard to do when 100 curious faces are staring at you. but it's that thick. last week, i distinctly felt the Lord's pleasure over me and these children. this week, the headmaster approached me and said he has seen a change in the children since we've been doing the meetings. he said they've started treating each other better, being more loving and kind to one another. this made my heart really glad. i realize that God is more powerful than distractions, short attention span, and religious legalism. His word does not return void. even if these kids catch 2 words of what i'm saying, He'll pierce their hearts with them, and these 2 words will bear fruit. i've always prayed that God would anoint my preaching, like He did the apostles' in the book of Acts. i would say to the Lord that if He doesn't put power on what i say, then i don't want to be saying it, because what i speak can't change anyone. God's doing it, in small ways, but i'll take it and be faithful with the little.

"...among whom you shine as lights in the world..."

Philippians 3 talks about the position of the saints on the earth. it conveys that saints all throughout history have lived in the midst of crooked and perverse generations. it doesn't matter what time period or nation, we have been surrounded by darkness and witnessed the wickedness of the heart of man in ways varying throughout history. the Word affirms that in the midst of perverse generations, the Lord's people have always shone. the darkness has never been so powerful to snuff out the light of the saints. the gates of hell have yet to prevail. the greater the darkness, the more beautifully these lights have shone, and continue to shine.

we've got some phenomenal shining lights here in Sudan, whom i have had the honor to meet and get to know. i'm not exaggerating when i say i am truly humbled in the presence of these saints. whether it is due to the darkness that is so great in this land or the extraordinary amount of Holy Spirit that these people retain in their hearts, one thing is certain - i have never met people whose light so tangibly and visibly spills over and floods everywhere they step and everyone they touch.

Mama Regina (or Abuba, as everyone here calls her, meaning "grandma") is probably my favorite adult in Sudan. she's one of the mamas, caretakers, on our compound, and cares for all the toddlers. she's my best language teacher because she doesn't speak a word of English so i am forced to learn and improve my Arabic around her. she's illiterate. she has survived both wars and outlived her children and grandchildren. none of the sufferings of her life are written on her, at all. she's hilarious, always joking and cracking everyone up. her laugh is amazing, this deep, gutteral laugh that makes me laugh just hearing it. her employment at Iris is God's goodness in her life because she has no living family to care for her. her testimony is "surely, God cares for the widows." the kids absolutely adore her. they always gather at her house, sit by her fire in the evenings. she's constantly speaking identity over them. one of our teenage girls came to us pregnant with no where to go. she moved in with Abuba and has come alive since. she wants Abuba to name her baby (due very soon!) she truly knows the Lord, even though she's never read a word of the Bible. i adore her. even though we can't have deep conversations because of language limitations, i love sitting with her on her porch. it's like i'm drawn to her, and i know it's the Spirit. i look at her and an amazed. Abuba is one of the most beautiful people i've ever met, filled with the Spirit, radiating Christ.

another shining light is pastor John Sebit. he recently came on staff with Iris, but we've had a partnership with him for a while. he's an evangelist who has taken major bullets for Jesus (literally). getting saved at 30 years of age, he got crazy for Jesus and started preaching the Gospel on the front lines of the civil war conflict, to soldiers. i have yet to hear his stories. John is like my grandpa here. like Abuba, he's hilarious. he's always playing tricks on me, punching me in the arm, asking me to bring him candy. he speaks english very well and i love talking to Him about the Lord. the quality that characterizes him is faith. he's full of it. given what he's been through and the miracles he's seen, his faith is huge. he seems to always be calm and at peace; nothing moves him. we are doing outreach together to the markets every saturday, with some of the children. he's leading it and i'm preaching. i hope that by hanging out with him, some of his faith rubs off on me.

another person i've been struck by upon acquaintance is pastor Hector. he pastors a church in a village about 3 days' journey from here, called Chikudum, in East Equatoria. Iris partners with his work and supports him, and he came to our Leaders Prayer and Revival Conference last month. the story of how he came to partner with Iris is incredible. michele cried when she told me. his area of Sudan is plagued by cattle-raiding, tribes attacking one another for the acquisition of cattle (necessary for daughters' dowries). many children are orphaned as a result. during one such raid, 5 children were orphaned and Hector was determined to find them a home. he made the 5 day journey to Juba (the closest big city) to find an orphanage. the one he found was not God-centered; he could tell the children were not being loved and refused to leave these kids there. he prayed and the Lord said, "Go to Yei", where he found Michele and Iris Ministries. we took 2 of the children, the other 3 went to another orphanage. Michele was so moved by Hector's faith and love. she sent a letter with him to his church saying that we are standing with them. they were so grateful for the message that several months later, they came to Yei just to express their thanks. Hector's church has adopted 25 children; they are cared for in community, by the church families. this is exactly Iris' vision - to awaken the Church in Sudan to care for the orphan and widow, and Hector's small, poor church is doing it.

when i met Hector, i literally felt like i was in the presence of a hero. i almost cried shaking his hand. i just wanted to kneel and wash his feet. this one will never have a platform or a name, but boy is he great in the Kingdom. i think of Hebrews 11 and the Hall of Faith. his name is there. i bet his mansion in heaven will be massive, and i'll be honored to serve him coffee :)

the thread that unites these 3 saints is their faith and their joy. all of them have incredible, genuine, huge smiles. all of them trust God whole-heartedly. i know they get stressed and feel pain and sadness, of course. but they maintain a supernatural calmness and joy that i have never seen before.

in this nation of much poverty, corruption, pain, religious tradition and legalism, these 3 shine.

two of our boys, Arikangelo (boy on left, that's his warrior face) and Amule (pronounced a-moo-lay, not "a mule" haha!), recently graduated secondary school and moved off the compound. they are attending the Yei Vocational Training College, training to be drivers/mechanics. it's great to see our kids "leaving the nest" and stepping out into the real world to make a life for themselves. i visited Arikangelo yesterday because we missionaries have a weekly Bible study that meets near the YVTC. i was so encouraged by our brief interaction because i saw how much the Lord had worked in his heart throughout his time at Iris. the college leadership asked him to preach at church the next Sunday, because they can see that he is a leader and a preacher. they also want to elect him as the Head Boy, which is the equivalent of class president in the U.S. but the heart-leap moment for me was when he told me his sermon topic. he wants to preach on fasting and call the students to fast every Friday for Sudan!! he asked me where the verse in Esther was about her calling the Jews to fast. Arikangelo really caught the vision and heart for fasting when i introduced it to the kids. from the first day he did it, he loved it. he felt strong, he felt grace, his heart was alive, and the Lord has answered his prayers and showed him His provision as he has fasted and prayed.

i'm so proud of Arikangelo, for how much he has grown in God. this is what it's all about, raising up and equipping people and them going out and doing the same. the Lord is spreading the message of prayer and fasting and He's using our kids - the least likely, the outcast. so like God...

3 of our kids

one of my favorite things to do is play with our smallest kids in the morning. the compound is pretty quiet because most children are at school, only the toddlers remain. we have about 8, and they all laugh when i walk up and shout "Arfa ana!" - "Pick me up!" after a few rounds of picking each of them up and swinging them around, i'm pretty tired, so i'll sit down with them of just stand. they battle to hold my hands and i try to have enough fingers available for them all to hold. i'll usually have 2 kids on one side and 3 on the other. one little boy that is recently warming my heart is jackson. he, along with his brother and sister, are our most recent arrivals. their mother went crazy and abandoned the children. their father is a soldier and is away a lot. he had left them in the care of a friend with enough money for 6 months. he was gone for 2 years, and the children lived practically untended to in the army barracks. they came to us sick and sad. the friend who was supposed to have been taking care of them did not even know their names. the girl is about 12, and you can see that she has suffered much, probably all kinds of rape and abuse. she rarely smiles and is somewhat rough and hardened. you can see the affects of the cruel life they've lived on the older boy, about 8, as well. he's active and plays with the kids but will often hit and fight with the others for no reason. but the youngest, jackson (pictured), about 5, has somehow managed to come out of his harsh life unscathed. he is such a sweet and gentle boy. he's very calm and quiet most of the time.

yesterday, i picked him up and he just gently rested his head on my shoulder and smiled. i rubbed his back and he laughed. i thought i was going to melt. the Lord is truly cultivating a mother's heart in me. i'm believing that as these 3 children are at Iris in the presence of the Lord and His Spirit, He will fully restore them and heal their broken hearts, as He's done with so many others.

when nothing works....and then, when it does

when nothing works....

i had a really rough week last week. first and worst of all, i got malaria. i had a 106 fever, my body ached, and my head throbbed. i would go from pouring cold water on myself (with clothes on) to shivering cold after the medicine would take effect. the fever combined with the heat outside and no breeze made for a pretty miserable state. after the malaria abated thanks to medicine, i had to contend with the most awful cold sores on my mouth that i have ever had (my body's reaction to the intense fevers). i could barely talk or eat.

other things fell apart as well. right when i came to Sudan, the visa requirements changed to $50 every month, instead of $50 every 3 months. this is a huge financial burden on the expats in the country, and some of them complained in Juba and immigration changed the requirements back to $50 for 3 months. i was very excited by this news, but apparently it had not reached Yei yet. i went to the airport and was denied a 3-month visa. they instructed me to go to the immigration office in town. i went that day and was denied the visa again. i had to concede to spending $50 for a 1-month visa and went to exchange my $100 bill at the local exchange place. i handed them the money and they denied me a good exchange rate because of a small red stamp on the bill. WHAT?!?!? i tried to maintain peace but just couldn't. i told them this was ridiculous and just walked away, having settled for the lower exchange rate. then another day that week, i walked for about an hour, in the heat, to reach an NGO that has a good internet connection so that i could email out my january-february update (still have not been able to send). it just so happens that that day, the internet was not working, for some reason, which has never happened to me before. i was about to cry.

and then, when it does...

this past sunday, jennie and i traveled to arua, uganda to do banking and get the Iris mail. we had to take public transport, which can be up to an 8-hour journey, what with getting stopped and hassled at road check points for no reason, border control stopping the vehicle for inquiry for hours, the 2 foot ditches and potholes on the road....you get the point. not to mention our vehicle was named "No hurry in Africa" (all the cars here have names stamped on the windshields). jennie and i laughed and said it was prophetic for our trip. but it took only 5.5 hours, and practically no trouble along the way. we stayed at an amazing hotel, paradise to me after living in difficult and meager conditions in one of the poorest places on earth. the hotel had american food and a swimming pool!!! all i had wanted for weeks was a burger, and they had it! the next day, we went to the bank to withdraw money and set up an account for me. a process that could have taken 4 hours (as it has in the past) took only 2, no trouble at all. we had lunch at an indian restaurant, another craving of mine. i charged my phone at a local cell phone shop, having been unable to do so for days because my charger was broken. when i didn't have small enough change to pay for the service, they let me go for free! this is unheard of around here, someone graciously giving a free service. i knew it was the Lord. then i ran into some friends unexpectedly at the hotel who had just arrived and whose driver was heading back to Yei that morning. the trip back took 3.5 hours, a miracle!

the stress of daily life is compounded here. the normal stresses that i am accustomed to in the States are exponentially magnified here. it's a whole new level of learning to walk in peace and maintain a state of resting in the Lord. i consider myself to be a pretty laid back person who's not stressed out easily. but here, i'm close to exploding every other day. there's always something going wrong, someone causing trouble, something falling apart. God is definitely going to take me deeper into the truth of entering the place of rest.

at the same time, there are those days when everything falls into place. when this happens, i feel His grace and mercy, how kind He is to me. i pray He keeps these days coming, but at the same time teaches me to walk in peace on the other (more frequent in occurrence) days.