rantings of a justice-seeker

I have finally gotten my visa!! My colleague went to Kampala for some business and took my passport and paperwork with him to the South Sudan Embassy. He had no trouble at all procuring a 6-month visa, even though I was not physically present to apply. It took about 10 minutes on 2 separate days, even further highlighting the night and day difference between dealing with government officials here as opposed to in fully, or even semi, functional, orderly states. This whole thing has got me thinking, or supplemented the thoughts that already rumble around in my head, about government – its role, responsibility, in relation to the people it governs, specifically in a 3^rd world context.

Some things are obvious. It’s obviously not a good idea when it comes to moral governance to funnel finances, whether foreign aid or tax monies, to personal Swiss bank accounts and build palaces all over the world while the country’s citizens have no access to clean water, healthcare, or education. That’s an all-too-common tale around here, sadly. Most recently, the South Sudan President requested his ministers to return approximately $4 billion in stolen funds. A few weeks after the petition went out, there was a possible coup attempted on the Presidential seat, which the President now denies. Coincidence? There’s such grave and ingrained corruption within the institutions and offices themselves that one who steps into a governmental position almost can’t help but be swept away by the corruption current. That’s not at all making excuses for such behavior. It is inexcusable, unjustifiable, heart-breaking. A person possesses a conscience, and it is his/her responsibility to maintain that conscience and not sear it. But dishonesty is so pervasive in the system that it becomes normal, natural.

There was a man employed by the Ministry of Finance in a certain nearby county. He had previously worked as the finance manager for an international NGO. When he took up his new post, various government employees would come asking him to fabricate receipts for them, leave expenses unrecorded, falsify financial files. When he refused, he would receive death threats, AK-47s pointed at his head (most government officials are previous soldiers, which reveals a lot about their in adequacy and incompetence as government officials), and malicious questions like, “Who are you to refuse me?” He ended up quitting his job because he could not surrender to such sleaze.

A recent situation with anti-retroviral medications points yet again to this government’s inadequacy in caring for its people. There is an HIV/AIDS treatment center in Yei. For several months, the center was out of ARVs (they have finally arrived several weeks ago, thank you Jesus!). That wasn’t the biggest frustration. It was the fact that these said ARVs were stocked and ready to go in Juba (100 miles away) but they weren’t moving because there was no money for fuel for the vehicles. Let me add in there that the Ministry of Health in Juba is air-conditioned, walls lined with flat-screen TVs, and stuffed with South Sudanese doctors who’ve received their qualifications abroad but, instead of practicing in a country where there’s 120 doctors and 100 nurses for 8 billion people, are sitting behind desks and collecting monthly paychecks, watching TV. And there’s no money for fuel to transport life-savings medicines 100 miles?!?!? If that doesn’t make you scream….Not only that, but the Yei treatment center is staffed by one brilliant, caring clinical officer…and that’s it. He’s responsible for the care of all the HIV/AIDS patients in the county, about 2,000 people. Why only him? Because the rest weren’t being paid and so were forced to quit their jobs. The government hospital staff here hasn’t been paid since August.

I don’t know how to process this and understand it. Maybe it’s the decay of the human conscience, stimulated by the rotten state of all the consciences around you, and that of the institution you’re in. Maybe it’s an entitlement mentality – “I fought for this country, running around in the bush for years like a vagabond, starving, so now I’m gonna get mine. I deserve it.” Maybe it’s just plain “I don’t give a crap about those peasants out there.” The predominant idea in this culture is that the only way positive change can be effected is to get rid of the bad leader, and the only way to get rid of a bad leader is to wait for him to die. Sounds funny, but people in power here stay in power for decades. It’s too risky to challenge then and the political systems to do so are not in place. If there is a challenge, it’s extreme – a coup or a war – which brings about more destruction and disarray to fledgling and already fragile states.

Then you’ve got the foreign aid monster. I haven’t conclusively solidified my own feelings or opinions about it, but it’s becoming increasingly clear to me, as I’ve lived in a 3^rd world country that is teeming with international aid organizations, whose national budget is a large percentage foreign aid, that foreign aid does more harm than good. When Western governments and aid organizations donate money to, say, South Sudan, there’s hardly any accountability demanded (which is why most of it ends up in personal pockets). Most of these organizations are just trying to meet annual expenditure quotas in their various program sectors in order to keep the money coming in, whether those programs are actually working or not, beneficial or not. There was a situation where an organization, in having to spend its funds, bought Landcruisers (worth $50,000 a pop) for use by numerous government welfare “programs” in different parts of this country. Well, these vehicles went to private use by government ministers, and most of these “programs,” some fictitious, some real, didn’t receive anything. The aid organization didn’t evaluate its distribution and asked for no accountability on the funds.

I’ve seen organizations dump funds into this place like it’s a landfill. Forget about capacity building of the people or sustainability. It’s not even in most organizations’ frame of reference. So few have this as a core value or do this as a specific focus in their programs/projects; it’s as if they have never heard the words and don’t know the meanings. Hand-outs don’t work. It really is the new form of colonialism, ownership, and control on the part of Western powers. It’s at best insulting to the people’s knowledge and capabilities, and at worst, destructive of their spirits, their potentials, their self-worth, their dignity.

As an example, a few years ago, an organization constructed a secondary school in a certain village around here. They did not consult the community about where a school was necessary, not inquiring what the people needed….thinking they already knew. So the school stands unused, crumbling, a monument to Western arrogance and waste.

Now, digging wells, constructing clinics, educational facilities has its place and its benefits. And the sad reality is, if NGOs don’t do it, who will? I mean, one of the biggest towns in this country (Yei) doesn’t have a single paved road.

So you’ve got corrupt governments and shady foreign aid machines, all impairing the people from all sides. Should international aid agencies completely pull out and leave this country to its own devices, at the mercy of government officials? How can you ultimately pave the way for change and improvement if ministers keep eating the funds? Even the most well-functioning NGOs, who build capacity and communicate with the people they are seeking to aid, can only get so far. If the government keeps swallowing funds meant for infrastructure, education, healthcare into palaces, flat-screen TVs, and vacations at 5-star hotels, then the best sustainability and capacity building efforts will not go very far. Who’s at fault? Maybe everybody.

South Sudan has been independent for a little over 1 year. It is floundering, almost sinking, but did anyone expect anything else? The country has been ravaged by wars for all but 7 years of its post-colonial existence. It has to find its feet and then learn to stand up on them. Corruption in governmental institutions is a hard-to-kill, slow-dying, very resilient and aggressive cancer, and eradication just takes a lot of time. International aid organizations can help in this process, as opposed to hindering it, by truly partnering with government officials, communities, individuals in their respective project areas and ASKING them what is needed, INQUIRING about what they want, as opposed to just imposing their own ideas of what “these poor people” should have. They can also help by inscribing sustainability and capacity building of the local people into the core value and focus of their mission statements, and actually work to work themselves out of jobs and turn projects over to local hands in a certain amount of time. This is the only way the people themselves will be empowered to take ownership of their own communities and those communities’ issues and motivated to labor for improvement, as well as dignified and honored in the process. The age of money dumps and hand-outs must come to an end.

Governments are responsible – to straighten themselves out and become functional entities of support for the people. NGOs are responsible – to not bulldoze over communities with their do-good intentions which leave people stripped of their dignity and ability to bring about change themselves.

Anyways, this is what’s been in my head lately…

Baby Moses

August 2012

July 2012

In July, we took in a new baby. His name is Moses; he was 17 months old and weighed 7.7 pounds. His mother had died several months after giving birth to him, and the child’s condition began to deteriorate after her death. Though his father was receiving regular food sustenance from a church, he lacked the ability or knowledge on how to care for a small baby. It was a miracle Moses was still alive. When we received him, he was severely malnourished and his skin was peeling and covered in sores due to the malnutrition. We started loving on him immediately, just holding him all the time. He was placed on a special milk diet specifically for malnutrition. It was difficult for the mama assigned to his care. She was so traumatized from seeing his condition that she didn’t eat for 2 days.

It has been amazing to watch Moses’ rapid transformation. Within the last few months, he has changed into a completely different baby. He’s put on a lot of weight and has a massive belly. Though he is still small for his age and it will take time for his body to catch up to normal size, he is healthy and very happy. He laughs and smiles all the time, and the other children absolutely adore him. He is definitely the favorite baby on compound.

It’s an incredible feeling when you know a child was close to death and because of God’s intervention and the care of His people, the child’s life was saved. My heart is moved to realize again the fact that God sees the one person and hurdles every obstacle to act on his/her behalf. His eyes are intently upon each person. He knows every single need, every heart cry, and He will stop at nothing to meet it. How amazing is the lovingkindness of our God.

how to wind up in prison (or stay out of it) in South Sudan

I’ve been thinking a lot about my passion for justice. I never realized how fired up I get about injustice until this last year. I thought everyone was like that, but I’m realizing I’m a little feistier than most, and I think that’s because God has knit justice deeply into my core make-up. Truth is, I turn into a different person when faced with situations of corruption, unrighteousness, those in power taking advantage of the poor and those whom they are meant to protect and support. Something goes off in me (or switches on), and I am fearless. I don’t care if I get beaten, I don’t care if I go to jail, I don’t care if I get told off. But it’s not always a good thing. Often, reasoning and rational thinking pretty much go out the window, and I usually don’t realize until I’m out of the situation that “oh, it probably was not wisdom to tell off that officer who’s incompetent and trigger-happy”.

I’ve been having lots of issues with my visa. Immigration rules have been changed (again), and only 1-month visas are now issued in Yei, for $100. This is completely impractical and way too costly for those of us living here long-term, so I’ve been trying to fight for a 6-month or 1-year visa. The thing is, 6-month visas are issued at the South Sudan Embassy in Kampala, Uganda no problem. So it is pretty evidently corruption that is going on here, taking advantage of foreigners (who are “rich”, of course) and pocketing their cash. I got a letter from the commissioner of Yei, a very respected, powerful authority figure (who’s one of the only honorable leaders I’ve met in this country) endorsing my request for an extended visa. That took many trips down to his office, and many hours of waiting, but I finally got it. I’ve been down to the immigration offices countless times, but the director hasn’t been around. He’s in the capital, and nobody really knows what he’s doing or when he’s coming back. On the one day I caught him before he left on his trip, he didn’t arrive to work until 2pm, and I had sat there for 4 hours. While I was there, I noticed the staff doing a lot of nothing. Most of them mostly sit around on most days.

All this is so frustrating. It really makes my blood boil, how such irresponsibility and corruption is not only permissible, but normal and accepted as the standard. Everything in me wants to tell these guys off, to let them know how ridiculous they are. I did that once, actually, in one of those fired up moments where my mouth was detached from my brain and the realization caught up with me later of what I had actually said. I was ripped off, told I had to pay some foreigner fee and write my name down in a scraggly notebook, and I told the officer that he may get away with this now and no one has power to do anything about it, but God sees, and he would answer to Him one day. That really infuriated him, and I was glad to get out of there in one piece.

I know that my passion for justice is something God put inside of me. But I think God is helping me in becoming less reactionary, wiser in my words and actions, vocalizing truth boldly, but in wisdom and with mercy in my heart. I know there’s a way to fight for justice that is merciful. Mercy and justice are not self-exclusive and separate entities on opposite ends of the spectrum. God is 100% both, all the time, and so they co-exist and are intimately intertwined together. The challenge, for me, is to learn how to operate in both, to emulate the heart and behavior of Christ. That doesn’t mean laying down and just taking it. Jesus did turn over tables and confront behaviors and attitudes in leaders that were unjust. But He did it without vehemence in His heart. I think that’s the challenge for me – to maintain mercy toward the one executing injustice.

So I’m learning. But in the mean time, please visit me if I end up in prison J.

justice and mercy

I recently watched “Machine Gun Preacher,” the new movie based on the life of Sam Childers and his fight to rescue LRA-affected South Sudanese children. He operates an orphanage in Nimule, and for the last several years, has been on a mission to hunt down Joseph Kony with a contingent of Sudan’s People Liberation Army (SPLA) soldiers. Those in the church and outside of it have strong and conflicting opinions about this man and his methods. Everyone is entitled to their convictions, and no one is completely right or wrong.

Personally, I like the guy. In the midst of all the opinions, some things are certain. He is genuine in his faith. One doesn’t just go from being druggie and gangster to crusader for vulnerable children in a forgotten land. There was a real encounter with God, and there’s now a real relationship and sincere love. His mission of hunting down Joseph Kony and using arms to fight the cause of children is controversial. Dietrich Bonheoffer was a pacifist and man of faith and died in prison for plotting to assassinate Hitler. Being completely against violence, he wrestled hard with this conviction that he could not escape. He defended his reasons for doing what he did by saying that if you were a teacher, and someone came in to your classroom and attempted to kill all the children, would you not do whatever was necessary to stop that person?

In Yei, we care for several children whose worlds were shattered by the LRA. I think they will carry these scars for life. There are 3 siblings whose village was razed in 2009. Their eldest brother was abducted into the army; their mother was murdered with a machete with her 3-year old daughter strapped to her back. We have another child who spent several months in LRA captivity as a slave. We have corroborated with the UNHCR (United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees) to rehabilitate and reintegrate 21 children to their families and home communities. I wrote about one of these kids in a previous blog post – a 16-year old girl. Her arms were scarred and temporarily not functional from being tied so hard to a tree. This was almost 2 years into my service in South Sudan, and it took a lot to make me cry at that point because I had almost grown accustomed to severe suffering. But when I saw this girl, I just burst into tears. Her eyes were so distant and forlorn, her whole countenance despondent.

I think great evil calls for extraordinary measures. I’m against guns and war. In general, I don’t condone taking up arms; I don’t think this decision should be reached lightly or impulsively. But in extreme situations, yes. As in the cases of Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, I believe the acts of Kony constitute such a dire situation. Few circumstances are black or white; there are both positives and negatives to any type of action taken against Kony and the LRA. But I think taking Kony out has greater benefits for the greatest amount of people…children. That’s just my opinion.

At the end of the movie, clips were shown of the real Sam Childers and his work. In the last clip, he is speaking to the audience. He says (paraphrased), “If someone came to your home and abducted your child or family member, and I told you I could get that child back….would you care how I did it?” This is a deeply thought-provoking statement and question.

I get Sam Childers, partly because I’ve seen some of what he has seen, and partly because I think I’m a similar personality type. I get his rage intertwined with pain at seeing first-hand the wreckage wrought by Kony, his hunger for justice, and his ardent pursuit of it. I believe God gets him too. Jesus’ strength is not only displayed in the Man bleeding on the cross, vastly, incomprehensibly merciful, but also as the One riding in on a white horse, armed for battle, avenging the ones He loves. We have to view God holistically like this, and try as best as we can to operate in that balance.

In regard to Mr. Childers, let us Westerners, who have not had to live in an environment where rape, brutal acts of violence, child abduction are the norm, who have not experienced such things ourselves, who haven’t even interacted with such children (most of us), not be so quick to judge. Only God is purely righteous and right. The rest of us are just trying to do the best we can to listen to Him and follow Him in executing mercy and justice.

chaos, laughter...what else?

Africa, to me, is full of contradiction. I’ll speak for South Sudan and Uganda; that’s what I know. It’s a place where chaos and tranquility exist all at once. A place that carries, deeply embedded, some of the greatest pain known to the human experience, but at the same time, some of the most extravagant beauty. A place wrought with challenges and obstacles that make you feel like digging yourself a hole in the ground or pulling your hair out, but at the same time, laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. A place where countless problems arise that seem insurmountable, and then…breakthrough! A place where you meet such coldness and cruelty, and such hospitality and kindness. I think anyone who comes for an extended amount of time is greatly transformed on this South Sudanese soil.

In April, we helped care for a woman who had been gravely traumatized by experiences of extreme abuse. She hardly spoke, except to exclaim and rant when she was agitated, and would not tell us her name. We affectionately called her “April.” She was mentally unstable, and we searched for a way for her to receive medical and psychological care. It was quite an ordeal. She would wander around the compound, trying to escape, stealing kids’ clothes and shoes, and would become agitated when intervened with. We had to pursue her, wrestle her down when she struggled, fend off her punches and kicks, and desperately try to show love and compassion upon this person who was beyond difficult. – chaos

 Among the clothing “April” stole was a missionary’s shirt, another missionary’s sandals, and an 11-year old boy’s t-shirt. (She attempted to walk off with a laundry basket full of clothes but was gently apprehended, the clothing recovered). The boy approached me, so gently one day, with no anger or offense, and said, “Rina, that woman has taken my t-shirt. Can I have another one?” – beauty. I laughed sympathetically and said, “Sure.” I later saw “April” wearing the confiscated t-shirt; it was yellow and read “I HAVE ISSUES” across the front. I laughed hysterically and said to myself, “Yup, lady, you do.” – laughter

We contacted everyone we could think of regarding “April’s” case – the UNHCR, government officials. We held meetings for hours, racking our brains for solutions. Finally, there was a light. Through a series of connections made, I was put in touch with an agency in Uganda which could transition her to a rehabilitation center. After some arrangements, two escapes on her part, and a road trip involving spitting and peeing in the car and “April” attempting to jump out and pull the driver out of his seat, we finally got her to the agency. – challenges, breakthrough, and a whole lot ‘a laughter

The 2 times “April” escaped, our head pastor and staff supervisor, who was overseeing this whole case, was absolutely brilliant. He worked tirelessly to find “April”. When she was spotted once at a lodge, he went straight down and waited for 4 hours for her to turn up again. He went into town every day for hours one week, just driving around searching for her. I was touched by his compassion for this woman. Where most people just saw her as a crazy lady who's a burden, to be cast off and run off, he worked vigorously to help her. He kept saying that God really has a plan for her life because He has gotten so many people involved in her situation. I think he just really felt God's love for her and felt Him calling us to run after the 1 lost sheep. – beauty

The night before “April” was found (after her 2^nd escape), we had a terrible storm. No one in Yei had ever seen a storm like this. It was just normal rain at first, but then, for half an hour, it turned into a hurricane. The wind and rain were so strong that it blew off the roof of one of the kids' houses and sent it flying across the compound, almost blew off another roof, and knocked down the massive coconut tree that stands in the middle of the compound. Amazingly, this happened in the middle of the night, so none of the children were harmed. If it had happened mid-day, when kids roam around the compound, someone could have died. – Jesus, purely

South Sudan keeps me on my toes. When I think I’ve seen it all, I often find I am mistaken. The appearance of new challenges, new craziness, is unpleasant at times, but it always makes for a great story, and certainly a great laugh.